14 year old dating an 18 year old. Please read.

[Phillip]

Originally posted by rozy:
There is no law that makes KISSing to be statutory rape.

"Your honor, he stuck his tongue in my mouth!"

"Why didn't you bite it off?"

Statutory rape DOES require intercourse.

Signed by an ex-cop REDNECK! (whose 10 year old daughter will be allowed to date when she's 25)

Maybe not in YOUR state. Signed REDNECK Ex-Prosecution-Investigator

 

[Phillip]

In fact, your answer shows that you may not understand the facts. You say "Why didn't you bite it off?" 99% of statutory rapes are consentual on the part of the girl. Why would she WANT to bite his tongue off? THAT my friend, is the problem here.

 

[RockRambler]

Some states handled (sexual) kissing the same as they would where the boy was less than 5 yrs older than a girl who has not reached the age of consent...they charge them with Indecent Liberties with a Minor.

 

[Scott J]

In many states, statutory rape laws are almost unenforceable today. Some states allow the defense to use "prior carnal knowledge" in lew of the lawful age of consent.

That said, I know a young man who has been in prison now for about 7 years in SC for statutory rape. I think he was maybe 21 and was basically picked up by two 15 or 14 year olds. They pursued/seduced him. He didn't know how old they were... I think they were in a bar. But he had a record and their parents' pushed it.

DAVID: Can you approach this young man? It sounds like he needs guidance himself and has shown at least some openness to spiritual things by being in church.

They may end up in a serious relationship in spite of your concerns. Would it be better to have you as the most influential third person in their relationship or... someone like the grandmother you mentioned?

BTW, I don't think the age difference in and of itself is a huge problem. As many have noted, the marriage of teenage girls was once the rule. They need spiritual guidance but there is no fatal reason the relationship is doomed to fail or end in gross sin.

 

[rozy]

Originally posted by Phillip:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by rozy:
There is no law that makes KISSing to be statutory rape.

"Your honor, he stuck his tongue in my mouth!"

"Why didn't you bite it off?"

Statutory rape DOES require intercourse.

Signed by an ex-cop REDNECK! (whose 10 year old daughter will be allowed to date when she's 25)

Maybe not in YOUR state. Signed REDNECK Ex-Prosecution-Investigator </font>[/QUOTE]You're going to have to link me to something that shows me where kissing is ever considered rape, statutory or otherwise. I'm already proud to be a Texan and I think you are about to add 10 degrees to that.

 

[rozy]

Originally posted by Phillip:
In fact, your answer shows that you may not understand the facts. You say "Why didn't you bite it off?" 99% of statutory rapes are consentual on the part of the girl. Why would she WANT to bite his tongue off? THAT my friend, is the problem here.

I completely understand the facts, and we are not in disagreement. I however am 39 years old and in those 39 years, today is the very first time I have ever, EVER heard or read where KISSing is considered rape.

Maybe I'm not as redneck as I think I am...

 

[Scarlett O.]

OK, let me tell all you boys something.

A minor child may willingly participate in sex with a grown man, but let me assure you, she has absolutely NO idea what she is consenting to. Not before the act, not during the act, nor after the act.

She may know biologically what sex is and may have even participated in it beforehand, but the whole point of being labeled as a minor is that minors do NOT understand adult sexual relationships.

The whole point of having sex with a minor child being considered rape is that children CANNOT consent.

Even if they wear a 34c bra or look like they are 23 or tease you.

They, as minors, cannot consent. That's what rape is for crying out loud. Non-consentual sex.

It never ceases to amaze me that grown adults sometimes speak of children who were molested by adults as consentual partners.

Peace-
Scarlett O.
&lt;&gt;&lt;

 

[Gina B]

Originally posted by Scarlett O.:
OK, let me tell all you boys something.

A minor child may willingly participate in sex with a grown man, but let me assure you, she has absolutely NO idea what she is consenting to. Not before the act, not during the act, nor after the act.

She may know biologically what sex is and may have even participated in it beforehand, but the whole point of being labeled as a minor is that minors do NOT understand adult sexual relationships.

That's very true, I would have fought to the death to defend my "relationships" as a teen, and not until in my twenties did I realize that the relationships were really messed up. But...

One man went to jail for statutory rape, and I refused to testify.

I really wish he hadn't done that, but it was consensual and I was in my teens, and old enough to know that sex was for marriage, old enough to know I was sinning.

He should not have sat in jail for that. Was he wrong? Yes. So was I. I may not have understood all the aspects of an adult relationship, but I sure understood how to act like it. I'm in my thirties and I STILL believe that he should not have gone to jail and I should not have been viewed as a victim. He paid in jail time, I paid in guilt for knowing he sat in jail for something I had half the responsibility for, and later I paid more for knowing I'd sinned against God.

Even adults often don't realize the fullness of their sins when they commit them.

 

[Pitipat]

Perhaps if men married older women, there would be a different ratio of "bluehairs" to "baldheads'
as visable in our society today.

 

[Bro. James Reed]

SC Statutory Rape Laws

I am posting the link because I figured the terms used in the provisions are a little graphic to post openly on the BB.

The way it is written, it seems to me that the law in South Carolina does require some sexual act, and not just kissing.

Since David is in SC, I assume that is where his niece lives.

 

[Hope of Glory]

My wife was 14 and I was 19 when we started dating. It's not immoral, unless pre-marital sex is involved (and then, it's immoral, not matter the age). We were married when she was 18 and I was 23, and we have been married 17 this coming Saturday.

Now, I haven't read this entire thread, and I don't intend to right now, as I'm on vacation, however, I do take this somewhat personally.

If they're having sex, it's immoral, no matter what, and it may be illegal where you are. (Some states require a certain age difference, not just a cut off date.)

Would I permit my 14 year old to date a 19 year old? It really depends on the situation, but I would certainly keep a close eye on things, and they would not be permitted time "alone".

 

[Scarlett O.]

Originally posted by Gina L:
...One man went to jail for statutory rape, and I refused to testify.

He should not have sat in jail for that. Was he wrong? Yes. So was I. I may not have understood all the aspects of an adult relationship, but I sure understood how to act like it. I'm in my thirties and I STILL believe that he should not have gone to jail and I should not have been viewed as a victim. He paid in jail time, I paid in guilt for knowing he sat in jail for something I had half the responsibility...

Gina, I HAVE to address your feelings about this and I have worried about whether or not to send you a PM or to respond to this publicly.

I'm going to have to talk to you about this openly because I believe that there are other women on the BB who have similar backgrounds as you and me.

I will not give any explicit details.

This is hard to talk about, folks.

I was molested between the ages of 8-12 by an extended "family" member. He was in his mid-30's. He died in 1977, so it's of no use to hate him or be afraid of him anymore.

There was no intercourse, but what did happen was ugly and wrong.

I never told anyone because I was grossly ashamed of what he was doing to me. When he got "caught", there was a nightmare of screaming matches in the extended family and my mother's relationship with some people in the extended family never recovered.

To this day, only my parents, myself, and one other person know about what he did to me.

The man was never turned over to the police for fear that it would harm me more for people to know.

My family hasn't spoken about it in 30 years. It's the "big" secret.

I, too, Gina thought it was my fault. Even as I sit here typing this, even to this very moment at 44 years of age, I do not think that he should have went to jail because I was the one who caused it all.

There is a part of me that still says that it was my fault because I was a girl and girls are always at fault in cases like this. Men just can't help themselves.

How sick is that?

There is a part of me that still believes that his doing those vile things to me was my fault because I was a pretty little thing and that's a pretty woman's job in this life....to make a man happy in whatever way she can.

How profoundly sick is that?

It's ever-so-common for grown women like you and me to cling to the reasoning that we must have somehow been responsible for our molestations.

And I guarantee you this sister....this is why I am writing you this response in public. You and I are not the only women on this "Baptist Board" who experienced evil as children.

And yes, Gina, as a teenager who was sexually active, you were still a child. It doesn't matter that you engaged in sex with older men "willingly". You were seeking approval, that's all. The man who went to jail because of what he did to you deserved it. And you deserve NONE of the responsibility.

My experience affected me in many different ways. I would go through spells as a teenager and as a young adult of being willing to do anything....then I would go through spells of being the "ice queen" or the "touch-me-not".

It took me years to be able to have a normal view of men and a normal ability to have a normal relationship.

And it took me until I was in my 30's to be able to be attracted to men who were good men and Godly, wonderful men.

I consider myself "cured" and having moved on with my life.

I'm glad that my family doesn't speak of it and that no one who knows who I really am is aware of it.

Sister, we as molested children ALWAYS feel responsible. For decades....sometimes people feel this way their whole lives.

It doesn't matter if the molested child hated being used, felt sexual gratification, or considered themselves a willing partner.

It doesn't matter, Gina!

Children and young teenagers are NOT responsible for being molested.

Never responsible.

Never.

Peace-
Scarlett O.
&lt;&gt;&lt;

 

[Rachel]

Scarlett, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank God you were able to move on with your life.

 

[Gina B]

I can see you feel strongly about it Scarlett, but perhaps you're not understanding that I was a teen, and really was more than willing!

I was molested/raped also, and there's a difference. The difference there was

1. Strong attempts at coercion

2. Force

3. Unwanted

Did it contribute to my behavior later? Of course. I didn't think I had anything special to wait for, and I loved being able to say yes or no and feel in control.

TOTAL difference there between molestation, which I know was not my fault, and being in sin. I still have major issues with the first, still struggle with hatred and with fears because of it.

I DID wonder for a while if it was my fault. I was told it was when I tried to speak up, and it kept me hushed up for a few years. (then I told children's services, who didn't helped...there's half the reason I go off on them so bad...they don't help the ones who really need it, they don't want damaged products for the most part, they want happy undamaged children to adopt out!)

But, I know it wasn't. I kinda knew it then, and I still know it know. They were very wrong to do that, and if I had a big picture of the people involved sitting in a jail cell or in an electric chair, I might just smile real big!

But what I did in my own relationships? I still say yes, it was my fault. I played the part of a harlot, I did it willingly, I did it on purpose.

 

[TaterTot]

It sounded as if Gina was older than 8-12. That is a child. Someone 16-17, thats a decision.

Scarlett, I am so sorry this happened to you as well. I know statistics often cant be trusted, but I saw one that said one out of 3 girls will be molested in some way. Thats scary. I pray the God continues to give you peace and healing for what you endured.

Gina, I am sorry you endured that as well. I thank God for His grace in your life.

 

[Gold Dragon]

Originally posted by David J:
if one is willing to stand by and let a loved one make a mistake with a 18 years old redneck who does not work fulltime and has no ambition of furthering his education.

Aside from the age, these are valid concerns from a loving uncle.

The fact that your neice is young with much of her life ahead of her is also a concern whether the guy is 16, 18 or 25. Tell her to aim higher and be patient, in a way that 14 year old girls will understand.

 

[standingfirminChrist]

I have stated in another post that age does not matter. I stand by that post.

What does matter in a relationship is Christ first, maturity and responsibility.

Now, a 14 year old, can she be considered to be mature and responsible? Let's look at the recent tragedy in Lititz PA. The girl in this case and the boy were 14 and 18 also. They both claimed to be christian. Actions showed neither was mature or responsible.

Let the 14 year old grow. She is too young for a relationship.

 

[Scott J]

Originally posted by Scarlett O.:
OK, let me tell all you boys something.

A minor child may willingly participate in sex with a grown man, but let me assure you, she has absolutely NO idea what she is consenting to. Not before the act, not during the act, nor after the act.

Huh? "Minor" is a completely relative and arbitrary term.

I know many 13-17 year old girls who know exactly what they are consenting to. It is a testimony to the decadence of our society... but to say they don't know what they are consenting to is ridiculous.

She may know biologically what sex is and may have even participated in it beforehand, but the whole point of being labeled as a minor is that minors do NOT understand adult sexual relationships.

Labels don't demonstrate a lack of understanding... a lack of understanding does.

 

[Benjamin]

Originally posted by Scott J:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Scarlett O.:
OK, let me tell all you boys something.

A minor child may willingly participate in sex with a grown man, but let me assure you, she has absolutely NO idea what she is consenting to. Not before the act, not during the act, nor after the act.

Huh? "Minor" is a completely relative and arbitrary term.

I know many 13-17 year old girls who know exactly what they are consenting to. It is a testimony to the decadence of our society... but to say they don't know what they are consenting to is ridiculous.

She may know biologically what sex is and may have even participated in it beforehand, but the whole point of being labeled as a minor is that minors do NOT understand adult sexual relationships.

Labels don't demonstrate a lack of understanding... a lack of understanding does. </font>[/QUOTE]On the contrary they have no idea what they are consenting to other than giving in to the temptations. These “minor” girls of that age are going through MAJOR physical and mental changes in their bodies; these changes are new to them and they do not yet have the maturity level to handle these physical draws and emotions in a responsible way and are very challenged to yet learn and uphold the values that they may treasure later in life. For you to say these CHILDREN “know exactly what they are consenting to.” you are contributing to that “decadence” in spreading your ignorance of conflicting human and spiritual nature and analyses of their competence of decision making. The proof is if you were to ask most any woman if they could take it back in later years what their answer would be.

A minor child isn’t a LABEL, it is a MINOR child, and an understanding of sexual relationships doesn’t center on the immature capability of being able to consent to the act. They are children and therefore "minor" and they need adult protection not exploitation of their abilities of consenting to classifying them as something else. Put away with disputing a child’s competency level as a label.

 

[Scarlett O.]

"Minor" is a completely relative and arbitrary term.

Not according to state laws.

I know many 13-17 year old girls who know exactly what they are consenting to....to say they don't know what they are consenting to is ridiculous.

I don't know quite what to say to that.

But yours is a very widespread and common opinion...the belief that because some young girls look and act like grown women that they are, completely and with adult capacity for emotional and intellectual reasoning, asking for it and their adult male partners are are just victims of wild teenage "bad girls".

You are in vast company with that opinion.

Labels don't demonstrate a lack of understanding... a lack of understanding does.

You are on the right track here. It is NOT the label that demonstrates the lack of understanding.

It the lack of understanding that demonstrates the need for the label in the first place.

Peace-
Scarlett O.
&lt;&gt;&lt;