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Bad Advice Only

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PreachTony

Active Member
Gib said:
My son is going to play baseball in Texas for 2 months. He needs $3000.00 by March to secure his spot. What can he do to make that amount by the deadline?
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Fake the autographs of some famous baseball players on his gear and then sell it on eBay for as much as possible. Of course, he'll have to buy new equipment afterward, but he should raise enough money by then.






I think my girlfriend wants jewelry for Valentine's Day, but I'm terrible at picking out jewelry. Any thoughts?
 
Gib

Gib

Active Member
Paperclips strung together. Necklace and bracelet combo. She'll love your creativity.

My neighbor is dumping his yard waste in my back yard. How should I handle that?
 
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PreachTony

Active Member
Gib said:
My neighbor is dumping his yard waste in my back yard. How should I handle that?
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Scoop up his yard waste, along with your own, and dump it down his chimney.







I tried to hang a picture on the wall, but when I hit the nail with the hammer I accidentally drove the nail into my goldfish. Help!
 
Gib

Gib

Active Member
Honey we're having fish filets tonight!

Ran out of milk and are craving some cheerios. What to do?
 
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PreachTony

Active Member
Gib said:
Ran out of milk and are craving some cheerios. What to do?
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Do you happen to own a cow? If so, milk the cow. If not, begin an intricate series of bartering until you get a cow...or a gallon of milk...either way...






I managed to build a time machine. Where should I go?
 
C

convicted1

Guest
SaggyWoman said:
I need to go pick up some money for filing someone's taxes. How much should I charge, and how might I obtain it?
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Invest in a black ski mask and a .38 and tell your local bank how much you charge....


I found a goldfish nailed to a wall, do I eat or, or use it for bait?
 
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PreachTony

Active Member
convicted1 said:
I found a goldfish nailed to a wall, do I eat or, or use it for bait?
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Depends on what you are fishing for. If you are not fishing, then I say fry that goldfish up and put it on a Ritz cracker.






My beard has gotten so long it keeps getting caught in the zipper on my jacket. I don't want to shave, though. Thoughts?
 
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PreachTony

Active Member
Side note:
convicted1 said:
Have someone run over your face with a riding mower.
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You're not letting your anger over the Cal vs Arm debate seep into this thread, are you? :smilewinkgrin: (I kid, I kid)


convicted1 said:
Stoopid cat won't stay out after I put it outside. What do I do short of killing it?
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Have someone run over the cat with a riding mower.





I've decided to attend a symposium on evolution. What should I take with me?
 
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PreachTony

Active Member
convicted1 said:
The riding mower ran out of gas after accidently running over a cat...
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Siphon gas from your neighbor's car. Just wait until it's dark before you try this. If that doesn't work, break into your neighbor's basement and "borrow" his gas can.




I got Brother Ben and the platypus, but one of them bit me. I don't want to say which one...
 
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convicted1

Guest
PreachTony said:
Siphon gas from your neighbor's car. Just wait until it's dark before you try this. If that doesn't work, break into your neighbor's basement and "borrow" his gas can.




I got Brother Ben and the platypus, but one of them bit me. I don't want to say which one...
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Must've been Brother Ben, a platypus is poisionous.. Shoot him...

Neighbor caught me "borrowing" his gas can...
 
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convicted1

Guest
PreachTony said:
I can hear a scuffle in my neighbor's basement. Sounded like someone trying to hit someone else with a gas can. Should I do anything about it?
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No. Let him fight his own battle and go and barter for a rooster....

I'm fighting a losing battle and my neighbor won't help me and instead went on a rooster hunt? What type of revenge should I plot?
 
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PreachTony

Active Member
convicted1 said:
I'm fighting a losing battle and my neighbor won't help me and instead went on a rooster hunt? What type of revenge should I plot?
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"Vengeance is mine, thus sayeth the Lord." But you want to, go and slash his tires, fill his car with packing peanuts and grasshoppers, and paint the windshield black.





I just got back from bartering for a rooster when this guy ran out of my neighbor's basement and started slashing the tires on my other neighbor's car. For some reason I think he thinks it is my car. What should I do?
 
C

convicted1

Guest
PreachTony said:
I just got back from bartering for a rooster when this guy ran out of my neighbor's basement and started slashing the tires on my other neighbor's car. For some reason I think he thinks it is my car. What should I do?
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Go over to him and pat him on the back, give him a bucket of KFC, with mashed potatoes, coleslaw, and four biscuits(wifey will have to get own KFC, btw), $5,000 in cash(won't take checks), tickets to an Hall & Oates concert, and a fedora. Then point him to your car and give him a fresh bucket of black paint and a new gin-su and say, "enjoy".


This guy just gave me some KFC with all the fixings, $5,000, tix to an Hall & Oates concert, and a fedora. Then he gave me a bucket of black paint, a new gin-su and pointed me to his car and said "enjoy" . I thinking this guy is 'off his rocker'. What should I do?
 
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