Divorced Preachers

[Pastor_Bob]

Originally posted by Johnv:
Me walking in to my home and finding my wife with an ex boyfriend would certainly qualify me as the innocent party.

I disagree. I would examine where I failed to meet my wife's needs so that she had to look elsewhere. A man that is meeting his wife's physical, emotional, and spiritual needs will find that his home is a heaven here on earth. Any three of these being neglected may cause infidelity.

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by Pastor Bob 63:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Johnv:
Me walking in to my home and finding my wife with an ex boyfriend would certainly qualify me as the innocent party.

I disagree. I would examine where I failed to meet my wife's needs so that she had to look elsewhere. A man that is meeting his wife's physical, emotional, and spiritual needs will find that his home is a heaven here on earth. Any three of these being neglected may cause infidelity.</font>[/QUOTE]There's no excuse for infidelity. If you can find a biblical reason, please feel free. After years of putting this behind me, I've had it confirmed by not only her family, my chidren, and even my ex wife, I did nothing wrong as a hisband or father. While not perfect, I was a good provider financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically (well, I'll ahve to take her word for it ) My wife met up with her ex at a chance meeting, and decided that her feelings for him were stronger than they were for me. Believe me, I did the whole "if only" thing for a long time. I even gave my wife two years to choose to put her marriage back together. In the end, she decided, in her own words, that she could either do the right thing, or do what made her happy. Putting it simply, my wife had decided to act irresponsibly. BTW, it's been 5 years, and she's still with him, and they're not married, but living together.

 

[Baptist Believer]

Originally posted by jimslade:
There is no such thing as an INNOCENT party.
Its NOT scriptural.

Of course you have that whole thing about a husband or a wife committing adultery and deserting their spouse... Certainly the deserted spouse (who has been cheated on) is innocent of the destruction of the marriage bond.

If you can't see that, there is little hope for discussion.

 

[Baptist Believer]

Originally posted by FearNot:
A pastor is supposed to be above reproach. If he can not even keep his own marriage together, how can he advise another how to have a successful marriage? That is why he is also supposed to be able to control his children. He is to be a teacher/leader. If he can not lead his own household, then he also can not lead a flock.

Hmm... let's apply this standard to God.

If God can't keep his children from rejecting Him because of their selfishness and sin, why does God have any right to tell me how to live my life?

It's obvious that this standard is faulty since human beings have this thing called "free will" as well as a sin nature.

One human being cannot force (or even effectively inspire) another to remain faithful. Do any of you who hold to this standard have any broken relationships in your life? If you do and you are a pastor, you probably shouldn't give anyone any advice on human relationships...

 

[RodH]

I personally know 2 baptist preachers that have been in this situation. Both of their wives left them for another man (though I am not saying the preachers were totally without fault). And both pastors tried unsuccessfully to reconcile. Also, both of them remarried after several years.

The first pastor stopped preaching for awhile and was successful in another career. After a number of years away, a small church called him and asked if he would be interested in being their pastor. After a lot of prayer and discussing it with others, he felt led to accept the position. He has now been there over 20 years and the church has experienced substantial growth especially the last 5 years.

The 2nd pastor left the church he was pastoring shortly after the divorce (his decision to leave the church, he wasn't forced out). The church he pastored has been greatly divided since and many have left the church in the years since it happened. He has now found a job that allows him to assist children in need and though it is challenging at times, he loves what he is doing. He does do some supply preaching when the pastor at the church he attends now is away, but I doubt he will ever go back to full time pastoring.

I know some will disagree

, but I think both of them are now where God wants them and they both continue to serve God where they are now. If you are called to preach, I don't think that calling necessarily stops if your wife leaves you. I do think that if it happens, you should allow time to heal before continuing that ministry. It would be hard to help others if you were hurting yourself. Both of these people are wonderful Christian men and I wouldn't hesitate to attend a church that either of them was pastoring, but I understand why some would have a problem with it. If God can use a man like Paul who had persecuted Christians before he saw the light, I don't know why he couldn't use someone that has been through a divorce as well.

Rod

 

[Refreshed]

Rod,

I don't think it is an issue of usability, I think it is an issue of disqualification from that particular office. Of course God can use a divorced man, just not in the office of Pastor as a Bishop is to be the husband of one wife.

Jason

 

[Pastor_Bob]

Originally posted by Johnv:
...my wife had decided to act irresponsibly.

I'm sorry. I did not realize that you're comments were from personal experience. I would not have commented if I had known. I was speaking in general terms. No offense meant.

 

[romanbear]

Hi everyone;
According to Gods word we can divorce on the grounds of fornication.Christ say's in Mark;

Mar 10:2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.

Mar 10:3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?

Mar 10:4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.

Mar 10:5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.

Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

Mar 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

Mar 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mar 10:10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.

Mar 10:11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

Mar 10:12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

I would say this is saying if we divorce and marry another we are committing adultry.A question for all of you. Do you really want a pastor that is living in sin?.

Romanbear

Peace

 

[jimslade]

Why did Jesus use the word Pornea meaning fornication, (sex before marriage).because when someone cheats on there spouse its called ADULTORY, different word altogether. The same instance is used in Dueteronomy.

Please answer this, how could Joseph DIVORCE his wife if they were not married yet?????????????

 

[Jim1999]

I guess I will be the odd man out here and open myself to the scorn of all, but I would sit in council to ordain a divorced man for ministry if he qualified in all other areas.

Circumstances rule, in my mind. I do not personally believe in divorce, but it happens, and we must deal with it when it does happen, in or out of ministry.

Cheers,

Jim

[ December 31, 2002, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Jim1999 ]

 

[Ben W]

Jesus permitted divorce, only in the case of Adultery. If a mans wife commited Adultery, and a divorce resulted, I see no problem if he marries again and takes up a call to minister.

It is unfortunate, but there have been many instance of the pastor being the one to commit the Adultery, then expecting to return to ministry. This happened recently with the ex leader of the New Zealand Elim Pentecostal Church Ian Bilby, who is expecting to take up a position in a church in New Zealand after having had several affairs, divorcing and marrying a female youth pastor!

 

[Bible-boy]

Originally posted by jimslade:
Why did Jesus use the word Pornea meaning fornication, (sex before marriage).because when someone cheats on there spouse its called ADULTORY, different word altogether. The same instance is used in Dueteronomy.

Please answer this, how could Joseph DIVORCE his wife if they were not married yet?????????????

If they were not married yet then she was not his wife. Right?

 

[Sam]

Was he saved before he married his first wife? What caused the divorce? There are biblical reasons for divorce. I don't think it is for any man to question God's call on a man. All called men are not called to hold a church. He may be called to evangilism or nursing home ministry, etc. If he is sure of his call than who am I to question. One sin in God's eyes is as big as another and we have all sinned against him. I am so thankful that God understands that we are human and that we can be forgiven fully when we sin against Him. With God all things are possible even a God called divorced preacher.

Yes, I am baptist! My husband is a pastor of a church too.

 

[jimslade]

Bible boy :

The bible reads that Mary was" betrothed "to Joseph , not married at the time that she was "found with child"

Betrothal was like Engagement but taken very seriously.

"The two shall become one" does not mean, the next one and the next one!

Jim

[ January 01, 2003, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: jimslade ]

 

[FearNot]

Frankly I find it depressing that so many people are willing to accept someone as pastor who for all intensive purposes is a failed husband/father. You don't see police hiring former mob bosses. It is sad that we are willing to accept someone as a leader of a flock, who can't even lead a household. God expects us to live our lives worthy of Him. He did not provided us with a flawed example, but a pure one.

No, man is not perfect, but does that mean we need to accept someone who is proven to be unworthy as a leader of a family. If the marriage failed there are several possible problems. That is assuming it was the man's spouce that left...

1. The pastor did not spend enough time before marriage making sure the one he was to be married was a solid follower of Christ and completely devoted to him.
2. The pastor ignored the fact that his family is his primary mission field and devoted too much time to other things/people.
3. The pastor treated his wife in a unChristian like manner, ie. abusive (mentally or physically), ignored her, didn't take care of his responsibilities etc.

The list is pretty short. I don't plan on being a statistic. I will marry once and only once unless my spouse dies. I could have been married four times now, but i know they weren't who God lead me to marry. I am holding marriage to a high level of respect, as God intended. I am not called to the pastorate, yet I have more respect for the union than many pastors. That is sad, sad, sad!

I say it is better to be a Paul and never marry, than have a failed marriage.

 

[Walls]

Is a preacher and a pastor the same thing? or can a man be a preacher and not be a pastor?

 

[Headcoveredlady]

Originally posted by FearNot:
It is sad that we are willing to accept someone as a leader of a flock, who can't even lead a household. God expects us to live our lives worthy of Him. He did not provided us with a flawed example, but a pure one.

does that mean we need to accept someone who is proven to be unworthy as a leader of a family.

2. The pastor ignored the fact that his family is his primary mission field and devoted too much time to other things/people.

Amen, I have seen this over and over as well. If Pastors, other leaders and church members got their own families in shape what a difference we could make in this world.

I agree, if a man cannot lead three or four people how can he lead an entire congregation?

HCL

 

[hrhema]

Every pastor and preacher is really disqualified from the ministry if what a lot of what you say is true. Jesus disqualified them by saying that He that looketh on a woman and lusteth after her in his heart has committed Adultery with her. It doesn't matter if you were unsaved or if you were young. I have really (if a person is truthful before God) never met one male who has not sometime in his life never lusted after the opposite sex. So every licensed preacher in the Baptist movement needs to step down.

The Bible said that the calling of God is without repentance. This means that God does the calling not men. Jesus said Judge not lest ye be judged and that is exactly what everyone does on this board. You say no one has a right to obey the call of God if their marriage failed. Tell God this. God would not call a misfit to the ministry but you see Jesus told the Pharisees that God wants mercy and justice above sacrifice and offerings.

The fact that Hoseas wife was a whore did not disqualify him from being a prophet, Think about it. His wife was selling herself. Was not Hosea innocent. Did God tell Hosea you cannot be my prophet because you should have controlled your marriage. I think every last person on this board needs to stop and think about this and let God judge.

 

[TheOliveBranch]

I agree, HCL. After all, isn't that what the Bible is actually referring to in ITim and Titus?

hrhema, Hosea didn't divorce her either. He took her back, he didn't marry someone else. Also, that's old testament

His wife was a whore, and he wasn't a Pastor of a congregation. God gave him the command to marry her for a specific reason, to show his people of the whoredoms they were commiting. So, on that note, is that why these men are called to preach in those churches that allow a divorced man to shephard them?

[ January 01, 2003, 06:45 PM: Message edited by: TheOliveBranch ]

 

[jimslade]

Fearnot