I'm taking the spiritual lead in my family

[evangelist6589]

I'm taking the lead. This means setting the example and going to a church that I feel the Bible is best taught and in my situation this does means not continuing to attend a IFB church in my area. Going to a church that emphasizes the Doctrines of Grace, freedom in Bible translations, better music, a biblical view on alcohol, a biblical view on free will giving and does not preach tithing, a men's discipleship group, and a place where I fit in better. Also not excluding a biblical view on church government which is the elder rule model and away from the deacon yes man rule view.

If she chooses to not come then we have a problem because the woman is to follow the man. I want to give to the church and with the IFB church I did not desire to give to them. Yes I'm taking the spiritual lead.

 

[InTheLight]

Does this decision have anything to do with your friend's separation from his wife?

Sent from my Motorola Droid Turbo

 

[evangelist6589]

Does this decision have anything to do with your friend's separation from his wife?

Sent from my Motorola Droid Turbo

Possibly.

 

[nodak]

Wow--just wow. Yep, there would be trouble in about any family where a man took that attitude.

Better music? So her tastes are of no importance. Her understanding of the scripture is of no importance. If she believes in congregational governance will you just smack it right out of her brain?

Seriously, I do believe wives are to follow their husbands but only as unto the Lord. If my husband was leading me where my conscience could not go I believe I have the freedom in Christ, no the responsibility, not to follow.

So if he led me to a Mormon meeting, or Catholic one, etc, well, I would sin if I went.

These issues you mention may be the same sort of deal breaker issues for your wife.

Give her permission, no, encouragement to follow her conscience and be loving. She might follow. Take the attitude I see here you will harm her, your marriage, and the cause of Christ.

Just my opinion but again, wow, such a vinegary approach will never get her to follow you. Lead, man, don't crack the whip and drive.

Besides, might turn out she is right, you are wrong, and then God will be smacking you upside the head figuratively speaking.

 

[evangelist6589]

Wow--just wow. Yep, there would be trouble in about any family where a man took that attitude.

Better music? So her tastes are of no importance. Her understanding of the scripture is of no importance. If she believes in congregational governance will you just smack it right out of her brain?

Seriously, I do believe wives are to follow their husbands but only as unto the Lord. If my husband was leading me where my conscience could not go I believe I have the freedom in Christ, no the responsibility, not to follow.

So if he led me to a Mormon meeting, or Catholic one, etc, well, I would sin if I went.

These issues you mention may be the same sort of deal breaker issues for your wife.

Give her permission, no, encouragement to follow her conscience and be loving. She might follow. Take the attitude I see here you will harm her, your marriage, and the cause of Christ.

Just my opinion but again, wow, such a vinegary approach will never get her to follow you. Lead, man, don't crack the whip and drive.

Besides, might turn out she is right, you are wrong, and then God will be smacking you upside the head figuratively speaking.

I have gone to the IFB church for more than 3 years.

 

[evangelist6589]

Wow--just wow. Yep, there would be trouble in about any family where a man took that attitude.

Better music? So her tastes are of no importance. Her understanding of the scripture is of no importance. If she believes in congregational governance will you just smack it right out of her brain?

Seriously, I do believe wives are to follow their husbands but only as unto the Lord. If my husband was leading me where my conscience could not go I believe I have the freedom in Christ, no the responsibility, not to follow.

So if he led me to a Mormon meeting, or Catholic one, etc, well, I would sin if I went.

These issues you mention may be the same sort of deal breaker issues for your wife.

Give her permission, no, encouragement to follow her conscience and be loving. She might follow. Take the attitude I see here you will harm her, your marriage, and the cause of Christ.

Just my opinion but again, wow, such a vinegary approach will never get her to follow you. Lead, man, don't crack the whip and drive.

Besides, might turn out she is right, you are wrong, and then God will be smacking you upside the head figuratively speaking.

Quite a large comparison comparing a cult church to a Calvinist one. Obviously it would be wrong to attend a Mormon church but not a Calvinist one!

 

[JonC]

Quite a large comparison comparing a cult church to a Calvinist one. Obviously it would be wrong to attend a Mormon church but not a Calvinist one!

"Calvinist" does not mean "non-cult". There are Calvinistic churches that are, IMHO, at least borderline cults. And there are Reformed churches that are legalistic and dead.

I hope that your wife will attend with you, Evan. I pray she will. But I also pray that you handle this with gentleness and love. God works in these things, and He is faithful. But his time is not our time and our desires are not His obligations. Look at the people, not just what is preached in the pulpit. Preachers come and go. But most of all, make sure in this whole thing that you are taking the lead role by loving and cherishing your wife as Christ loves the Church.

 

[TCassidy]

Quite a large comparison comparing a cult church to a Calvinist one. Obviously it would be wrong to attend a Mormon church but not a Calvinist one!

I agree with Jon. Nor, Evan, is it a sin for a Calvinist to be a member of and serve in a non-Calvinist church.

The church I presently attend is non-Calvinist. And there is no conflict whatsoever. What we have to remember is, regardless of where we differ, we have one thing in common. Christ. Focus on Christ and the other things begin to dim and lose their luster.

Not to toot my own horn (well, okay, just a little - toot toot) but below is a message I preached last month in 3 of the 4 morning services on a closely related topic. Enjoy.

[For some reason the video is starting at 3:33. Just click it back to 0:00 for the beginning.]

 

[Baptist Believer]

I'm taking the lead...

If she chooses to not come then we have a problem because the woman is to follow the man. I want to give to the church and with the IFB church I did not desire to give to them. Yes I'm taking the spiritual lead.

Ephesians 5:21-30

...be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.​

Biblically, the husband and wife should be submissive toward each other. The wives to their husbands, and the husbands to the wives... but even more than that... husbands should give himself up for his wife (as Christ for the church) and should love his wife as himself (as Christ loves the church).

Strong-arming your wife to do things the way you think they ought to be done is violating the calling and example of Jesus. Work it out together. Submit yourself to your wife FIRST and then ask her to submit to you so you can work things out.

 

[Don]

Evan - please reconsider your course of action.

Because the path you've described -- "my wife needs to do what I say" -- is indicative of a stereotypical IFB mindset. In other words, you're acting exactly like those you allegedly DON'T want to be identified with.

 

[Rolfe]

Evan, the heavy-handed approach as suggested in your OP will likely not help your marriage.

I am a bit older than my Wifey. Partly because of this, I think, she and I have different views on things as applied to church. I am more traditional, she is more modern. Part of being a loving husband to her is my willingness to lay aside the things which bug me (music, for example) that really make no Biblical difference so that she can be blessed and happy.

Your Wife is supposed to be your partner; not your employee, servant, or follower. If you want a better marriage, stop with the separation talk (it was easy to figure out who your "friend" really is), show her some respect by treating her as equal, and man up by not complaining about her in a public setting. You need to love your Wife.

 

[Rolfe]

I'm taking the spiritual lead in my family

Evan, I have a question. What is your reason for starting this thread? You do not ask for advice, as you normally do. You seem like you have already made a decision that you know is a bad one and are seeking approval.

 

[evangelist6589]

Ephesians 5:21-30

...be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.​

Biblically, the husband and wife should be submissive toward each other. The wives to their husbands, and the husbands to the wives... but even more than that... husbands should give himself up for his wife (as Christ for the church) and should love his wife as himself (as Christ loves the church).

Strong-arming your wife to do things the way you think they ought to be done is violating the calling and example of Jesus. Work it out together. Submit yourself to your wife FIRST and then ask her to submit to you so you can work things out.

I am not familiar with a single healthy marriage where the man follows the woman to her chosen church instead of the church the man chooses for the family. Are you?

 

[evangelist6589]

Evan - please reconsider your course of action.

Because the path you've described -- "my wife needs to do what I say" -- is indicative of a stereotypical IFB mindset. In other words, you're acting exactly like those you allegedly DON'T want to be identified with.

James L approved this? I am surprised Rev Mitchell and Earth Wind and Fire have not as well. Anyways I am not familiar with a single healthy marriage where the man follows the woman to her chosen church. In fact I spoke with a elderly couple at church yesterday that had left the IFB Church because they also felt it was weak. The woman said that she did not want to leave but the husband knows best and she chooses to follow him as he follows Christ.

 

[evangelist6589]

"Calvinist" does not mean "non-cult". There are Calvinistic churches that are, IMHO, at least borderline cults. And there are Reformed churches that are legalistic and dead.

I hope that your wife will attend with you, Evan. I pray she will. But I also pray that you handle this with gentleness and love. God works in these things, and He is faithful. But his time is not our time and our desires are not His obligations. Look at the people, not just what is preached in the pulpit. Preachers come and go. But most of all, make sure in this whole thing that you are taking the lead role by loving and cherishing your wife as Christ loves the Church.

We are not doing so well at this time but thanks for your encouragement and prayers.

 

[evangelist6589]

I agree with Jon. Nor, Evan, is it a sin for a Calvinist to be a member of and serve in a non-Calvinist church.

The church I presently attend is non-Calvinist. And there is no conflict whatsoever. What we have to remember is, regardless of where we differ, we have one thing in common. Christ. Focus on Christ and the other things begin to dim and lose their luster.

Not to toot my own horn (well, okay, just a little - toot toot) but below is a message I preached last month in 3 of the 4 morning services on a closely related topic. Enjoy.

[For some reason the video is starting at 3:33. Just click it back to 0:00 for the beginning.]

I'm sure if I was in Charles Stanley or David Jeremiah's church that would be one thing, but this church the preaching and teaching is weak and legalistic and one reason why I am leaving and have wanted to leave for awhile.

 

[evangelist6589]

"Calvinist" does not mean "non-cult". There are Calvinistic churches that are, IMHO, at least borderline cults. And there are Reformed churches that are legalistic and dead.

I hope that your wife will attend with you, Evan. I pray she will. But I also pray that you handle this with gentleness and love. God works in these things, and He is faithful. But his time is not our time and our desires are not His obligations. Look at the people, not just what is preached in the pulpit. Preachers come and go. But most of all, make sure in this whole thing that you are taking the lead role by loving and cherishing your wife as Christ loves the Church.

Oh and I get along much better with the people. Its not that I did not get along with people in the IFB church, its just that I have far more in common in this church and can relate better.

 

[Crabtownboy]

And do not forget your responsibility.

Ephesians r:
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body.

 

[Don]

James L approved this? I am surprised Rev Mitchell and Earth Wind and Fire have not as well. Anyways I am not familiar with a single healthy marriage where the man follows the woman to her chosen church. In fact I spoke with a elderly couple at church yesterday that had left the IFB Church because they also felt it was weak. The woman said that she did not want to leave but the husband knows best and she chooses to follow him as he follows Christ.

I don't care who approved or likes what I posted to you. That's not why I post things. I posted what I did because you're reacting out of hurt, pain, anger, and fear. You're having a knee-jerk reaction to the situation, whether you realize it or not, and whether you wish to admit it or not.

I'm NOT advising you to follow your wife. I'm advising you to remember that God created the woman as a help-meet, not a servant or slave, or someone to follow you.

The husband does NOT always know best; that's why God created a help-meet for him. If we men always knew best, there wouldn't have been a need for women. Unfortunately, we're fallible, we make mistakes, and we're not Christ. So we do our best to love our wives as Christ loves the church, and we treat our wives as "the half that makes us whole" -- as God intended.

Look, John, I wanted to stay out of this, but you're following the same path you took a few years ago, when you came on this board and asked about whether you should marry this woman or not. You didn't listen to anybody here back then; will you listen now? Or are you going to let your emotions rule your actions?

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Your alternative Evan would be to become heavy handed thus alienating everyone (particularly your wife) and then eventually get a divorce (her grounds would be that your abusive....a bully). Good luck with that.

Me, I would tread lightly with her......perhaps compromise with her (Like one we go to my church & one week we go to your church....stuff like that) Listen bro, "when mommy is happy, everyone's happy but ......"