Personally, I believe the man should be the spiritual and physical leader in the house. This does not mean that he should boss people around. It means he should be strong enough in his faith and love for God that he can lead his household in prayer, and teaching, and decision-making regarding almost every aspect of life. He should love and respect his wife, just as Christ loved the church.
I would agree, spiritual leading is not tyranny. But we see in Scripture that the man has been put in that position, not for the purpose of tyranny, but because God has made him the one who is held responsible for his family.
That's my take on it anyway.
And you are right, the love we have for our spouses should, of all relationships we have, be an expression replicating that of Christ's love. That we would without second thought lay down our very lives for her. I would. Many times over if necessary. She is one of the best pictures of Christ that I know. She inspires me and is the grinding stone that has been slowly rubbing away at the rough edges I have, lol. She is the perfect corollary and I can't help but think that the Lord put her in my life for that very purpose.
I don't really want to comment on the specifics, but as I told Evan earlier, when spouses attend churches that are so theologically askew and of such doctrinal difference, there is a great risk on being unequally yoked.
I almost married a girl from the Assemblies of God. Introduced by a Preacher friend of mine, we hit it off, and even went on a missions trip together.
I was willing to overlook the differences, and I think that this is understandable in relationships. Unequal yoking does not mean we cannot marry Christians with different views. I had no doubts but that she was a believer who understood Christ died for her, and on the essentials we were in agreement.
So I can understand how some might get married with different views, I think that happens sometimes, and likely it is when both may not yet understand just how big a part those differences will play in the relationship.
And it is just a truth: you don't really know a person until...after your married.
Which for me has been a blessing, because I love my wife more today than when we were dating, and can appreciate her more than I did when I decided to marry her.
God bless.