Interracial Marriage

[mnw]

On the most innocent side, I think everyone fears what is different to themselves. That could be bigger, smaller, color, language, culture...

Treating someone differently is not always the KKK brand of racism

 

[Filmproducer]

MNW,

True it is not the KKK brand of racism, but it IS still racism none the less. We are not diseased or second class and to be treated differently under the guise of "protecting your own family" from the "shame", or whatever, is not an excuse especially in a church setting.

We origianlly attended a small IFB church when we were in KY, but left for these very same reasons. We have NEVER had any problems in any other church we have attended, whether they would be considered a "black" or "white" church.

 

[Hope of Glory]

If such a couple were to enter your church, would they recieve 'social difficulty'?

We had an interracial couple who came to our church when I was younger. We would not permit them to join.

But, not for that reason. They were simply shacking up and didn't see the importance of "a piece of paper". Of course, when we told them why, it was still because we were racist to their way of seeing things.

If they had been married, we would have opened our arms to them in full fellowship. (Now, before someone jumps on the bandwagon, we did not tell them they could not attend, only that they could not join while living in open sin.)

 

[Brother Bob]

I don't know if its true or not but have been told that most black families don't want a white woman brought in among them. If this is true then is it racism also?

 

[gekko]

no. not all black families do that.

maybe in the south where there's still that sublte hint of slavery/racism. but who knows.

 

[Brother Bob]

I lived up North for many years and if you think there is no racism up there then you are mistaken. Maybe more.

 

[EdSutton]

I'm a white guy who has no idea about his racial heritage other than it had to be largely ( or all ) European . When Alex Haley's Roots miniseries was all the rage in the 70's I asked my father what our roots were . He said : " Probably nothing but a bunch of old horse thieves . " No pretense to having blue blood , that's for sure .

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Don't know about too many other's roots, but -me? I can say I go back to Adam and Noah- a crooked farmer and a drunken sailor!

Ed

 

[EdSutton]

Not to derail all this good-humoredness, but I think some of the jokes possibly make light of what was a fairly productive, serious discussion about what is in much of the South still a touchy issue. On a more sober note, I submit to you the following question and scenario:

1. How are black/white couples viewed in your community, church and family? Particularly, a black man with a white woman?

2. If such a couple were to enter your church, would they recieve 'social difficulty'? We have already established in earlier posts that there is no Biblical injunction against interracial marriage, only social ones. I'm curious-- how active are these social issues then within your home church?

In my church, it is positively unheard of to see a black man with a white woman. Sure, there is no biblical rule forbidding it, but people always seem to somehow find reason to make sure things like that don't happen, or if they do, that the couple never finds it way, shall we say, into the community's good graces. Nobody goes so far as to say it's racism-- it's just 'parents protecting daughters,' or 'families discouraging their relatives from making mistakes' or any number of ways to say 'we make sure things like that don't happen'.

Personally, with all due respect, if I had to deal in the church i was affiliated, with this (or any other 'major') issue and it appeared that the church I attended was very far abeam, I'd be tempted to look around at some other churches.:tear:raying: Just my two bahts worth.

Ed

 

[Filmproducer]

I don't know if its true or not but have been told that most black families don't want a white woman brought in among them. If this is true then is it racism also?

Of course it would be racism, I don't know anyone who would think otherwise. However, I would NOT say the most black families do not want a white woman among them. Yes, there are some who feel that way, just as there are white families who do not want a black man among them.

As far as I am concerned racism is racism. I don't care who is doing it, it is wrong regardless of who you are, or what your life experiences may be. The church is one place that should be free of racism, ANY kind of racism.

 

[Brother Bob]

Of course it would be racism, I don't know anyone who would think otherwise. However, I would NOT say the most black families do not want a white woman among them. Yes, there are some who feel that way, just as there are white families who do not want a black man among them.

I just wanted to make a point that I knew it was on both sides and not just whites that were doing it, and if its on both sides it must be something rooted inside of us and not just something we pick up.
And if its something rooted in you, a part of your makeup then how do you just make it go away. I am talking to both sides.

 

[TomVols]

I lived up North for many years and if you think there is no racism up there then you are mistaken. Maybe more.

My experience in the North bears this out, too.

 

[Filmproducer]

I just wanted to make a point that I knew it was on both sides and not just whites that were doing it, and if its on both sides it must be something rooted inside of us and not just something we pick up.
And if its something rooted in you, a part of your makeup then how do you just make it go away. I am talking to both sides.

I disagree, racism is a learned behavior, and many studies bear this out. The only way to "make it go away", is to educate and/or learn about those that are different from us, whether they be White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, or purple.

 

[Brother Bob]

You may be right but looking back I can't remember my parents ever saying a bad word about blacks or anyone else and my parents were like most of our neighbors. We as kids didn't go around talking or saying bad things about blacks it just wasn't part of our life but yet this thing about whites and blacks marrying was in all of us when we grew up. Now things have changed for it now is in my family though not my immediate family and children born and I have had to deal with it. I hope I have handled well but I also want to be truthful. I was not happy with the situation my relative had gotten us into. The ironic thing is the marriage didn't last long at all but long enough for a child to be born and you said before that it hadn't affected your life but I know for a fact this child said why couldn't he be white. maybe I am out of line here but just telling what really happened. He is a nice kid and his grandmother (my sister) loves him to death and does everything in the world for him, but yet by his own statement, he is having a hard time dealing with it.

 

[faithgirl46]

You may be right but looking back I can't remember my parents ever saying a bad word about blacks or anyone else and my parents were like most of our neighbors. We as kids didn't go around talking or saying bad things about blacks it just wasn't part of our life but yet this thing about whites and blacks marrying was in all of us when we grew up. Now things have changed for it now is in my family though not my immediate family and children born and I have had to deal with it. I hope I have handled well but I also want to be truthful. I was not happy with the situation my relative had gotten us into. The ironic thing is the marriage didn't last long at all but long enough for a child to be born and you said before that it hadn't affected your life but I know for a fact this child said why couldn't he be white. maybe I am out of line here but just telling what really happened. He is a nice kid and his grandmother (my sister) loves him to death and does everything in the world for him, but yet by his own statement, he is having a hard time dealing with it.[/quo

I remember my Great aunt and cousin looking at my suntanned skin and saying thngs not fit to be printed here. I heard another aunt and an uncle blame all of the orientals for what happened on Dec 7, 1941. How sad and how disgusting/

 

[faithgirl46]

You may be right but looking back I can't remember my parents ever saying a bad word about blacks or anyone else and my parents were like most of our neighbors. We as kids didn't go around talking or saying bad things about blacks it just wasn't part of our life but yet this thing about whites and blacks marrying was in all of us when we grew up. Now things have changed for it now is in my family though not my immediate family and children born and I have had to deal with it. I hope I have handled well but I also want to be truthful. I was not happy with the situation my relative had gotten us into. The ironic thing is the marriage didn't last long at all but long enough for a child to be born and you said before that it hadn't affected your life but I know for a fact this child said why couldn't he be white. maybe I am out of line here but just telling what really happened. He is a nice kid and his grandmother (my sister) loves him to death and does everything in the world for him, but yet by his own statement, he is having a hard time dealing with it.[/quo

I remember my Great aunt and cousin looking at my suntanned skin and saying thngs not fit to be printed here. I heard another aunt and an uncle blame all of the orientals for what happened on Dec 7, 1941.How sad and how disgusting/

My aunt and uncle expected me to share their beliefs. When I refused, they said I was anti America.

 

[Brother Bob]

I guess I was fortunate for I never heard those kind of remarks in our home. I have of course over my life time heard many remarks.

 

[faithgirl46]

I guess I was fortunate for I never heard those kind of remarks in our home. I have of course over my life time heard many remarks.

Yes, Brother Bob, you were lucky. Very lucky.
Faithgirl

 

[Filmproducer]

An idea does not need to be spoken to be a learned behavior. Brother Bob you said you never heard bad things said about black people, etc., but you knew that marrying a black woman was not acceptable, right? Obviously it was something you picked up over the years, it was not inbred in you. It was just not done. There are many people who grew up that way. Fortunately that is changing. Interracial couples are more and more common, and more and more accepted. I am sorry about the experiences your family members went through, and I have to admit the marriage probably did not lastfor a variety of reasons, but mainly the lack of support from the family. Sorry if that is harsh, but no one wants to be the black sheep of the family, or to be treated diffferently, and that is the reality of it. I have a neice who is bi-racial. After her mother and my BIL got divorced, they moved back to North Carolina. She has never been accepted fully by her family. They tell her not to go out into the sun, so she won't get darker, to straighten her hair, etc. On top of that she does not see black people on a regular basis. Of course she wants to be different. She wants to be ACCEPTED, she wants to be "white", because she feels she will be accepted then. I'm sure your relative is going through something similar, and I feel sorry about it. However, if he/she ever felt really accepted by you and the rest of the family this would not be the case, and that is the long and short of it.

FTR, I am NOT(EDITED TO CLARIFY by blackbird))calling you a racist, you were being honest, and I commend you. I was also honestly calling it how I see it. As Gina pointed out earlier different couples experience different things based on where they live and who they marry. This however, does not mean the majority of us go through these things or have hard relationships or marriages, nor do our children. I feel accepted fully by my family, and their friends, and also my husbands family and friends, as do my children. They have no reason to feel inadequate.

 

[Brother Bob]

Well, I give you an example and told you how most of us grew up. I didn't say I never heard any bad talk about blacks, I said in our home. Maybe I am a racist, I guess that would depend on what is expected out of a non-racist. I will say this, in our church we have blacks as well as whites. I preach with blacks as well as whites. I eat in their homes as well as they eat in mine. My daughter was a basketball star player and the whole team stayed at my home many a many night and they had blacks. I never treated them any different than others. I went out of my way to be extra good to the blacks and maybe that was my mistake. Many people say they are not racist and intermarriage does not bother them until it comes to their home and that is what I am saying I guess. The marriage broke up because of drugs and probably some of what you said but mostly drugs for he sold them, never fed his family, ended up in prison so maybe a lot of it is the picture that is being painted of blacks by some. I don't know but I will continue to do the best I can concerning this issue. I tell you one thing I am not going to be a hypocrit about it and say one thing and do another. I am what I am.

 

[bapmom]

Brother Bob,

you said it is something rooted within us, and I agree. It's sin. I assume this is what you were referring to anyway.....but only CHrist can help us truly overcome these sins. Treating each other badly for any reason is sin, and believing oneself to be better than another is sin, whether its because of skin color or some other reason.
It's all rooted in sin.