Interracial Marriage

[Brother Bob]

bapmom;
You assume I think I feel better than someone else which is false. You are putting words in my mouth and calling it sin. Well I think the picture goes much deeper than the color of the skin and I don't care to discuss it on here. I don't think I am sinning because of who I would marry or not marry. People can say anything they want but then there is reality and regardless where you live and even FP said as much about her neice. When black and whites marry there is problems that reach on down to the children. Whether it ever changes or not I don't know but don't call me a sinner because of what I have seen over the years about interracial marriage. I am telling it like it really is, not a fairy tale of how it should be.

 

[bapmom]

no no no Brother Bob,

I wasn't referring to you.........."oneself" was supposed to be general, not directed at you. I was afraid it would be taken that way, but wasn't sure how else to put it.

I was simply referring to a statement you made awhile back in here....that racism happens on both sides and would indicate that it is rooted within us. Wouldn't that refer to our sin nature? Some homes nurture that sin nature, others try not to.

Sure, in some areas there will be social repercussions for interracial couples, but Im glad its not everywhere.

I wasn't trying to call you a sinner.........although aren't we all?

 

[Filmproducer]

Well, I give you an example and told you how most of us grew up. I didn't say I never heard any bad talk about blacks, I said in our home. Maybe I am a racist, I guess that would depend on what is expected out of a non-racist. I will say this, in our church we have blacks as well as whites. I preach with blacks as well as whites. I eat in their homes as well as they eat in mine. My daughter was a basketball star player and the whole team stayed at my home many a many night and they had blacks. I never treated them any different than others. I went out of my way to be extra good to the blacks and maybe that was my mistake. Many people say they are not racist and intermarriage does not bother them until it comes to their home and that is what I am saying I guess. The marriage broke up because of drugs and probably some of what you said but mostly drugs for he sold them, never fed his family, ended up in prison so maybe a lot of it is the picture that is being painted of blacks by some. I don't know but I will continue to do the best I can concerning this issue. I tell you one thing I am not going to be a hypocrit about it and say one thing and do another. I am what I am.

Brother Bob,

I have not read this yet, but I just reread my post and realized I made a huge mistake. It was supposed to read:

"FTR, I am NOT calling you a racist"

I am sorry.

***Editor note*** Filmproducer---I went back and edited the post in question!! Thank you for setting the record straight!!
Bro. David, Moderator

 

[Filmproducer]

Okay, now I have read all the posts... It is natural to fear or question those who are different than us. There is a long, nasty history of racial tension in the US. None of us, regardless of who we are or what we believe, can escape that. However, just because some marriages have failed for whatever reason, and some children have experienced problems, does not mean all of us, or even the majority of us, do. Bapmom, you are right it is a sin problem, but it goes deeper than that. It is a learned behavior, and it does not necessarily have to be a outright, blatantly spoken behavior, i.e. Neo-Nazi or KKK. Brother Bob, you hit the nail on the head when you talked about drug problems in the like in your own family experience. I would say that everyone could agree they do not want that type of influence in their family, black or white. There is a problem of stereotyping in this situation, though. Yes, your relative's marriage was probably destined to failure with these problems, in addition to lack of family support and acceptance. Her son's problems also probably stem from the negative image he has of black people based on, one, who his father is, and, two, your family's reaction to the marriage in the first place. That would cause anyone to have problems, black or white. My neice is in a similar situation, her father is not a criminal, in fact he is a marine, but his marriage to her mother left bitter feelings on all sides. Her mother has never forgiven him, neither has her family. They constantly berate him and black people, in general. In short they have a superiority complex. Again that would cause any child to have problems.

The thing to remeber is not all black men are drug dealers, gang bangers, lazy, or bad fathers. I would even say the majority are not. people can have healthy, happy interracial marriages, and bring up healthy, happy, independent self assured children. People do it every day. There is not all these problems that people keep referring to, for the majority of us. Again this is based on who we marry, important for any marriage I daresay, and also somewhat on where we live. Some places still experience quite a bit of racial tension. Thankfully, this is changing, as more couples stay together, and as racial problems lesson as each new generation becomes more educated.

 

[Brother Bob]

Bapmom;
Yes we all sin that which is not of faith is sin. I compare it to none of us would be happy if our child married a Catholic, or at least I don't think we would, I know i wouldn't. In my case dealing with the interracial marriage thing with my neice I think the child was mistreated at school. I know that no one I know of was more loved than he was at home by his mother and grandparents. They are putting him through college, bought him a car and help raise him. My sister even embarrases me sometimes by being to forward when she is around blacks. It is if she is trying to prove something and I am not that way. I say let everyone be what they are. I thank you for clarifying that bapmom and I agree if we do think we are better than someone else then we are sinning. I worship with blacks so I don't know how much more I could do. Whether I would ever marry a black person is something I don't think would work with me to be honest.
I thank you for clarifying the remark of racism too FP. To be honest, I really wonder if there is not some racism in me because of the marriage thing but I get comfort out know they don't want to marry me either, so that makes us even.

I though long and hard before entering this debate for it is a very touchy subject and can get off in the wrong direction real quick and then things are said that just can't be taken back. I pride myself on being totally honest and sometimes that gets me in trouble.

 

[Ciela]

My husband and I did foster care for seven months for a toddler whose father is black and whose mother is white. He was cute, funny, and goodnatured as could possibly be, and we strongly considered adopting him. I would take him to the park, and little kids would surround him and admire his curly hair.

I had two relatives who said, "aren't there any white kids you could adopt? That's just not right to raise a black kid in a white family." I told them that it was very important for the little guy to be raised in a Christian family, regardless of race. I then asked if it would bother them as much if we would adopt from China, India, or Korea. They said, "Just don't go too dark." What is that?

Yes, we'd get funny looks from people. Funny looks don't bother me--the people that truly mattered to us and to Jay loved him. Yes, there would be difficulties--but those could be handled with wisdom as they came.

Anyway, Jay was placed back with his abusive, drug addict parents whom he was deathly afraid of (messed up social services system!). But that fact doesn't bother those two relatives of mine--they're hoping that we'll find a "more suitable" child. Of course, they aren't prejudiced, they just didn't want Jay to be added to our family because of his dark skin and curly hair even though he was amiable, hilarious, and wellbehaved.

Ciela

 

[Magnetic Poles]

My husband and I did foster care for seven months for a toddler whose father is black and whose mother is white. He was cute, funny, and goodnatured as could possibly be, and we strongly considered adopting him. I would take him to the park, and little kids would surround him and admire his curly hair.

I had two relatives who said, "aren't there any white kids you could adopt? That's just not right to raise a black kid in a white family." I told them that it was very important for the little guy to be raised in a Christian family, regardless of race. I then asked if it would bother them as much if we would adopt from China, India, or Korea. They said, "Just don't go too dark." What is that?

Yes, we'd get funny looks from people. Funny looks don't bother me--the people that truly mattered to us and to Jay loved him. Yes, there would be difficulties--but those could be handled with wisdom as they came.

Anyway, Jay was placed back with his abusive, drug addict parents whom he was deathly afraid of (messed up social services system!). But that fact doesn't bother those two relatives of mine--they're hoping that we'll find a "more suitable" child. Of course, they aren't prejudiced, they just didn't want Jay to be added to our family because of his dark skin and curly hair even though he was amiable, hilarious, and wellbehaved.

Ciela

Racism dies hard, doesn't it? Didn't your relatives understand this child IS half caucasian? I have some like that in my family as well, Ciela. We can pick our friends, we don't get to pick our relatives.

 

[Ciela]

Oh, yes, they knew he was half white/half black, but apparently he wasn't white enough. To tell you the truth, neither my husband and I cared which half was more predominant after we first met him--when he plunked right down into an empty flower pot and started jabbering on and on in baby talk, and then would occasionally laugh as if he just told the funniest joke. We stopped caring what people thought when we realized what a wonderful little boy he was.

The funny thing is that we occasionally looked after another half-white/half-black child--a little girl. She had light brown hair, pale skin, and green eyes--and no one bothered us about her. Apparently, she was "suitable".

 

[Magnetic Poles]

Ciela, I thank God for people like you and your husband, who take children in who need a loving home.

You know, with us being over 98% the same genetics as chimpanzees, the difference between the races of humanity are even much less. So superficial. We are all more the same than we are different. Dark skinned children and light skinned children all need love and nurturing. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight.

 

[Filmproducer]

Amen to that MP. Ceila I understand your experiences, although both of my children could pass for "white", especially my daughter who has pale skin, blue eyes, and red curly hair. I have not had looks or comments from anyone in my family, but some nosy strangers in places such as the grocery store and the like. My favorite was a little old lady in Walgreens. She had the audacity to actually ask me what my son did with an "Arab" father. :laugh: She spit out "Arab", as if it was an epithet. I looked at her and very calmly said, "I wouldn't know his father is black". She was embarrassed, but then stuck her foot in her mouth yet again, by adding, "at least that's better than having to deal with a terrorist". Some people never learn. Honestly I think age and background have a lot to do with it. For the most part we never receive looks or stares, and for that matter, we don't get very many comments either. We also live in a very racially diverse city.

Brother Bob,

First of all, I respect your honesty about this issue. Secondly, I would not necessarily say you are "racist". I do not get the feeling, from your posts, that you believe yourself to be superior, or that interracial couples should be treated differently. If that is the case, is it racist to have a preference for yourself and your family? As you pointed out, many Baptists would probably have a problem if their children were to marry a Catholic. Is there a difference in the case of racial characteristics? I think it is subjective depending on the couple, where they live, how they were brought up, and their family. Kwame Anthony Appiah, a Harvard Prof, wrote a great essay, "Racisms", that delves into the "real" definition of racism. He made a great point that, "visitors, unfamiliar with the Western concept of racism", would have a hard time identifying exactly what it entails.

 

[faithgirl46]

Yes, FP a person's age and backround have something to do with a person's views. Most definately.a four year old child whose parents or aunts who sound like Archie Bunker is not to blame for what he or she hears on a regular basis. They are to yung to understand that the words they hear mommy or aunt Mary say offend God.
Faithangel

 

[Ciela]

A friend of mine has adopted two adorable children from Guatemala. She was in an elevator and someone commented to her, "Those kids obviously aren't yours, are they."

"Of course they are. They are my son and daughter." she responded smiling (she is pale, blond, and blue-eyed).

That wasn't so much racism as it was lack of tact--a foot in mouth moment.

I can't tell you how excited I am when a Christian family adopts a child, whether domestically or internationally. There is a high rate of drug use, suicide (and depression), promiscuity, and crime from kids in orphanages or children being bounced around in the foster care system. The more families willing to shrug off "funny looks", ignorance, and downright prejudice--the better. There is even prejudice against foster kids--as if the sins of their parents are their fault!

Yes, these children very well might grow up and marry outside their color. The unequal yoke is with nonbelievers and Scriptually does not include race. That's all that we should concern ourselves with--what does the Scripture say? Anything else is just opinion--and everyone has one of those and can go round and round like a merry go round. Scripture is the bottom line. If my son or daughter one day wanted permission to date someone, our main concern would be whether that person was a Christian and had good character.

We will increasingly see this happening--among my friends and acquaintenances, there is a phenomenal boom in adoption. I have never seen so many Christian families with adopted children in my life. When these children get old enough, I find it hard to believe they will feel it necessary to go back to India, Guatemala, Korea, China, Russia, Mexico, etc. to find a spouse who looks just like them. Surely we don't expect it of them? Undoubtedly, they will marry someone from here. Some will baulk at it, but regardless, it will happen.

I have another friend who was attracted to a very handsome young doctor from El Salvador, but she wouldn't date him because of his race. She actually told me, "it is not right. My family is really against mixing with other races." I reminded her that she was French, German, and Norweigian--three races already--what's one more? But, apparently she meant color. Oh, that explains it.

Ciela

 

[Gina B]

Hey now, I love Archie Bunker, and with my family, I'd have every reason not to!

And look at how his daughter turned out...the total opposite. :thumbs:
And a LIBERAL at that!