seekingthetruth
New Member
There have been many threads about mental illness lately, and i seem to be the central object of them. FAL, Steadfastfred, and his wife have stated many times that I am hiding behind a drug to cover up my sin.
Let me clarify this. I lived for 50 years with undiagnosed mental illness. I went to Bible College and dropped out. I had a former marriage that failed, and my Social Security record lists over 180 jobs since 1980.
Yes, i was very unstable, and I still struggle today to remain stable. My illness will never go away, but, i have found ways to control it.
Let me addess the sin issue. Yes, when a person is distraught or upset, or irrational, they can ignore moral and even legal limitations to behavior.
I never got into trouble with the law, but i crossed the moral boundary daily.
But, when a person is so frustrated and tired, they get to a point where moral issues don't matter, and they cross lines they never thought they would. It was never a question of me knowing right from wrong...it was a question of me caring.
For me the frustration was the worst thing i experienced. I am very intelligent (IQ of around 150), but I could never understand why I couldn't live normally like everyone else. I didn't give up. Every time I lost a job I got another one right away, hence my 180 plus jobs on my ss record. But the failure of each one made me more and more depressed....and most of all frustrated. I wanted to die, and planned my death several times....but God stopped me.
How would you feel if you knew you had the mental and physical ability to do anything, but for some reason you just couldn't do it? And everybody just thought you were no good and lazy?
And, I am still responsible for every sin I ever committed. My mental illness explains why i struggled with sin, but it doesn't excuse my sins.
My point is this
I am not looking for sympathy. I am not making excuses.
I am hoping that my recovery and my hopes and dreams will help someone else. My future is now mine to have (as long as God allows anyway), and my hope is to help others who are frustrated to find hope for the future.
So, when FAL and Steadfastfred, and fredswife tell you that I am hiding behind sin and masking it with meds, they are lieing.
John
Let me clarify this. I lived for 50 years with undiagnosed mental illness. I went to Bible College and dropped out. I had a former marriage that failed, and my Social Security record lists over 180 jobs since 1980.
Yes, i was very unstable, and I still struggle today to remain stable. My illness will never go away, but, i have found ways to control it.
Let me addess the sin issue. Yes, when a person is distraught or upset, or irrational, they can ignore moral and even legal limitations to behavior.
I never got into trouble with the law, but i crossed the moral boundary daily.
But, when a person is so frustrated and tired, they get to a point where moral issues don't matter, and they cross lines they never thought they would. It was never a question of me knowing right from wrong...it was a question of me caring.
For me the frustration was the worst thing i experienced. I am very intelligent (IQ of around 150), but I could never understand why I couldn't live normally like everyone else. I didn't give up. Every time I lost a job I got another one right away, hence my 180 plus jobs on my ss record. But the failure of each one made me more and more depressed....and most of all frustrated. I wanted to die, and planned my death several times....but God stopped me.
How would you feel if you knew you had the mental and physical ability to do anything, but for some reason you just couldn't do it? And everybody just thought you were no good and lazy?
And, I am still responsible for every sin I ever committed. My mental illness explains why i struggled with sin, but it doesn't excuse my sins.
My point is this
I am not looking for sympathy. I am not making excuses.
I am hoping that my recovery and my hopes and dreams will help someone else. My future is now mine to have (as long as God allows anyway), and my hope is to help others who are frustrated to find hope for the future.
So, when FAL and Steadfastfred, and fredswife tell you that I am hiding behind sin and masking it with meds, they are lieing.
John