Straight and Narrow,
Yes and yes.
My husand and I had been married over 15 years when a drunk driver ran a stop sign and hit the car my husband and children were in. They collided head on, with the driver in an F150 pickup doing 55 mph, and my family in a small Ford Contour having slowed down to a stop.
My husband insisted that except for a few minor injuries he was fine so he refused medical care. It turns out he was definately not fine.
A few days after the accident he began to walk with a limp and he had slurred speech. I tried to get him to a doctor. He refused. Told me that it was just stress from dealing with the accident.
Then one day his secretary called me and told me that he was not able to write an english sentence anymore. I rushed him to a doctor who said he had suffered a subdural hematoma, and a severe frontal lobe injury. His brain was no longer producing the Serotonin, which regulates emotions. They warned me that if he wasn't already displaying rages, impulsive behavior, mood swings, and basically the behavior of a drunk - he might. I thought the doctors were being ridiculous.
Then my spouse started displaying the things they spoke of. He would go into raging rants over the most minor things. I found myself having to protect my children from their own father. He started drinking and smoking. He started talking about a woman in black that would visit him at night. Supposedly she was convincing him that I was going to have an affair.
One day he told me his parents wanted to take our kids on vacation. We saw the kids off one night, the next day he vanished. I sent out a massive man hunt, and his cousin, who was a deputy, called me and said, "Hon, where are your kids? We've got reports that his mother is telling people that she is their mother now."
I found him 24 hours later, and he begged to come home. The kids were not with him. His mother's instructions were to "hide them where I couldn't find them." He had filed for divorce and arranged for his parents to hide them. He told me he had no idea why he had done any of it.
It was a full week before I saw my children again.
The doctors promised me they could "fix it." I believed in my vows and I stayed with him.
He became suicidal, self mutilating, and he spoke of another "person no one else ever sees" telling him that God was waiting for him to come to heaven, but that God wanted him to prove his love for God by killing me, and then himself. I was terrified to let him out of my sight. I was terrified to be with him. By now the kids were begging me to divorce him.
The doctors told me he was having an allergic reaction to the drug Effexor (which they had given him post accident to help with the serotonin issue).
He began to have an affair with a woman he worked with, and he told everyone he worked with that we were divorced. He would go into strange rages, screaming at me for things that I never said or did. Then he would not remember having done that.
Though he insisted on continuing to pay the bills - he didn't. I have no idea what he did with the money, but I discovered the mortgage and credit cards were both so far behind the mortgage company was threatening to foreclose. He had almost drained our savings account, and he had written so many hot checks that it took a full month of my salary and another $3,000 (the remainder of our savings account) to fix it, even with the bank waiving all fees once they discovered his mental condition.
I continued to pray and work with doctors.
For almost a year, it seemed everything was fine. They'd found the right medical combination. He was normal. Then his doctor retired and his new doctor insisted on trying new meds. I begged them not to. They ignored me.
He started this pattern. If he woke up with a headache, he'd rage. He was like a two year old again. If everything didn't go exactly how he wanted, he would threaten divorce, storm out, vanish for hours. He would not show up at work. Then he'd come home like nothing had happened at all.
At times he claimed he didn't remember our wedding or having children. At other times he would make outrageous accusations against me. I weathered it all.
He apparently withdrew his retirement account and blew the money. On what I have no clue. I found out when the I.R.S. hit me with the early withdrawal penalities.
The day after Easter one year I got a call
from my daughter's school. She was in the counselor's office in a crisis. She had read a divorce announcement in the paper. He'd apparently filed the previous week, yet, he'd gone to church with us Easter Sunday, sat with us, and made love to me that night, like nothing at all was wrong.
My kids were hysterical. By now, they literally hated him. I gave it up then.
I discovered that he'd again cleaned out the bank accounts. I had 2 children and $2.00 to my name. My sister's church fed us that month. My church began to work with us in terms of counseling and offering to pay for more doctors. Another Christian man offered to pay for my attorney so I could protect the children.
My ex said he did not want to be married, but he begged me to do counseling. I agreed. My instructions to the attorney were - don't do anything to push it forward, but protect my children. My ex would go to counseling sessions and tell them he didn't love me, didn't want to be married, and then the next day call me, hysterical, wanting to know why I was leaving him. I would always tell him that I was not leaving him, but that I was going to protect the children. I would tell him that if he did not want to divorce, I didn't either, but that I had to know that the "divorce, stay, divorce, stay" threats were going to stop. He told me that he was not going through with it, but that he didn't feel mentally fit to move home.
Four months later he told me he was moving home. Two months after that he called me and said he was going through with it. I said okay and signed the papers.
Later someone told me that his mother had told him if he came back to me she would disown him. She has been diagnosed with a personality disorder for years, so I suspect there is a lot of truth to that.
I worked on helping him and my children repair their relationship. He could not see them when he was mentally unfit. He could, though, see them and participate in their lives as often as he wanted when he was mentally fit.
He agressively sought healing mentally. His current medications seem to work well. There are times he things he is cured and refuses to take them. We can always tell.
I'll never date or remarry. I believe with all my heart that in God's eyes, I am still his wife. I treat him that way as much as possible.