Men Hitting Women: Why I Can't Tell Them To Stick It Out!

[righteousdude2]

After looking at this photo, can anyone in all honesty, say they would counsel a women to stay in an abusive marriage?

I removed the photo, because it took us to a FB page, and there were some graphic comments made in respose to the pic. I wanted to just transfer the pic, but it didn't do as I wanted. Sorry, but I have not mastered the art of getting images to transfer to the board forum page.!!

However, the topic remains. After I'd go to the ER, hospital, or their home and see the injuries they incurred, I could never, and would never encourage an abused person to stay in an abusive relationship. Do you agree?

 

[Don]

I didn't look at the pictures; and frankly, I don't need to look at the pictures. Any man who hits his wife, is not paying attention to scripture (specifically, Ephesians 5).

 

[Arbo]

I also did not view the pictures and will say that any man who beats his wife is not a real man and deserves to be dealt with by his wife's father and brothers.

 

[Alive in Christ]

What photo? Where is the link??

 

[Alive in Christ]

I also did not view the pictures and will say that any man who beats his wife is not a real man and deserves to be dealt with by his wife's father and brothers.

No. That would be the the cretins response.

He should be dealt with by the law

Unhinderd VIGILANTE retaliation would be a crime equal to the original crime.

 

[Arbo]

No. That would be the the cretins response.

He should be dealt with by the law

Unhinderd VIGILANTE retaliation would be a crime equal to the original crime.

I'm of that generation that believes in family honor and protection. If it be vigilantism, so be it.

Signed,
Cretin.

 

[Alive in Christ]

I'm of that generation that believes in family honor and protection. If it be vigilantism, so be it.

That would make you equal to the 1st offender, and you would..and should... spend time in prison.

How is it a good thing to sink to the lowest level with the 1st guy?

 

[Arbo]

You are entitled to your opinion.

I disagree with you. It is a matter of accountability to the family one marries into.

This is all I will say on the matter.

 

[Jerome]

John Piper on domestic abuse:

"If, if it's not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures, verbal abuse for a season—she endures, perhaps, being smacked one night—and then, she seeks help from the church."

at 2:30 here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OkUPc2NLrM

 

[HeirofSalvation]

After looking at this photo, can anyone in all honesty, say they would counsel a women to stay in an abusive marriage?

I removed the photo, because it took us to a FB page, and there were some graphic comments made in respose to the pic. I wanted to just transfer the pic, but it didn't do as I wanted. Sorry, but I have not mastered the art of getting images to transfer to the board forum page.!!

However, the topic remains. After I'd go to the ER, hospital, or their home and see the injuries they incurred, I could never, and would never encourage an abused person to stay in an abusive relationship. Do you agree?

Seeing pictures has nothing to do with what the biblical answer would be, but there is a difference between "staying" (and accepting) abuse and divorcing. Scriptural guidelines are clear. I would counsel a woman dealing with abuse to separate herself/leave/seek safety....in hopes the man will repent, recieve help and reconcile the relationship, but divorce (at least) is not the option.

 

[righteousdude2]

That is good advice...

Seeing pictures has nothing to do with what the biblical answer would be, but there is a difference between "staying" (and accepting) abuse and divorcing. Scriptural guidelines are clear. I would counsel a woman dealing with abuse to separate herself/leave/seek safety....in hopes the man will repent, recieve help and reconcile the relationship, but divorce (at least) is not the option.

...thanks for your comments!:thumbsup:

 

[convicted1]

Pastor Keith Murray stated one time that men who hit their wives state that they couldn't control themselves when they did it. He went on to say, that when a man is 6"5" and 250lbs., it's amazing how easily they can control themselves. Men who hit woman are cowards who will not hit another man.

 

[annsni]

Our church has helped abused women get out of the home. This way they are safe. THEN we can work on the relationship and see if there is any chance for safety for this woman and her children if there are any. Sometimes there is not and then we'd counsel to permanently leave, not necessarily divorce.

 

[Tom Bryant]

We get the law into it. In florida, it is not the wife that swears out the warrant, it is the police. Too often, an abused woman also has the Stockholm Syndrome" where she now identifies with the abuser rather than keeping herself safe. Then we get professional counseling for her and, unfortunately, usually the kids too.

It's not a perfect solution, but far better than beating the guy up and going to jail yourself.

 

[Jim1999]

Anyone who has pastored long enough has experienced the abused wife on the scene. Many have steered the woman in the safe direction only to have her either deny the charges in court or return to the abuser,,,for whatever reason. Often she is dead within weeks.

Counselling on both sides is the obvious answer, but afraid that seldom happens either. We need to preach the love of God and what God expects of us over and over and over again.

Quite often alcohol is a chief factor. Hence, we need to impress the importance of abstinence on the part of Christians at least.

God help both the abused and abuser.

Cheers,

Jim
l

 

[Don]

Pastor Keith Murray stated one time that men who hit their wives state that they couldn't control themselves when they did it. He went on to say, that when a man is 6"5" and 250lbs., it's amazing how easily they can control themselves. Men who hit woman are cowards who will not hit another man.

In most cases, I would agree with you. However, I went through a bad time after returning from overseas; I got angry a lot. I rationalized it in my head, but it was all irrational. I got so angry at points that yes, I wanted to hit my wife; but I managed to keep control. And it wasn't just my wife; it was the guy in that car who cut me off (I could have taken his head off); it was that yokel in the check-out line (would have been real easy to just beat the tar out of him); etc., etc. I got some counseling, and worked through it. Things are better.

The point being, while I managed to maintain control and fix it, I can understand others who might not, and haven't. When you get so angry that you just "lose it," it doesn't matter whether it's the wife, or the neighbor, or the kid down the street; it doesn't matter if you're 5'5" or 6'7". And afterwards, you just sit back in confusion, wondering how it was possible that you were so far gone.

So again, in most cases, I would agree; but not all. Such things need to be fully investigated to see if it's a case of cowardice, or something else.

Please don't take this as trying to make an excuse for those that beat their wives; this was a response to a particular comment, not the situation in general. I will always fall back to my response on the first page, just after the opening post.

 

[fortytworc]

Stick around for more abuse?

John Piper on domestic abuse:

"If, if it's not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures, verbal abuse for a season—she endures, perhaps, being smacked one night—and then, she seeks help from the church."

at 2:30 here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OkUPc2NLrM

I strongly disagree with John Piper's statement. Most women who have been abused will tell you that the pain and damage done from verbal, psychological abuse are much deeper and last much longer(even a lifetime) than physical abuse. While acknowledging that there are cases where the abused party is the man, I contend that the reason attitudes such as Pipers are common is because men are not the ones on the receiving end. No woman should tolerate being abused.

After looking at this photo, can anyone in all honesty, say they would counsel a women to stay in an abusive marriage?


I removed the photo, because it took us to a FB page, and there were some graphic comments made in respose to the pic. I wanted to just transfer the pic, but it didn't do as I wanted. Sorry, but I have not mastered the art of getting images to transfer to the board forum page.!!

However, the topic remains. After I'd go to the ER, hospital, or their home and see the injuries they incurred, I could never, and would never encourage an abused person to stay in an abusive relationship. Do you agree?

I got the url and tried to attach just the photos to the post with no success. After spending some time on this, and viewing them for awhile it 'felt' and looked like something wasn't quite right. The photos actually look to me as though they were something one would see in some of your more "specialized" very sick and depraved pornographic material. Some people actually get their kicks viewing this sort of thing. Having said that, whether they were staged or real, they do depict the physical abuse that women who stay in such relationships deal with.

In most cases, I would agree with you. However, I went through a bad time after returning from overseas; I got angry a lot. I rationalized it in my head, but it was all irrational. I got so angry at points that yes, I wanted to hit my wife; but I managed to keep control. And it wasn't just my wife; it was the guy in that car who cut me off (I could have taken his head off); it was that yokel in the check-out line (would have been real easy to just beat the tar out of him); etc., etc. I got some counseling, and worked through it. Things are better.

The point being, while I managed to maintain control and fix it, I can understand others who might not, and haven't. When you get so angry that you just "lose it," it doesn't matter whether it's the wife, or the neighbor, or the kid down the street; it doesn't matter if you're 5'5" or 6'7". And afterwards, you just sit back in confusion, wondering how it was possible that you were so far gone.

So again, in most cases, I would agree; but not all. Such things need to be fully investigated to see if it's a case of cowardice, or something else.

Please don't take this as trying to make an excuse for those that beat their wives; this was a response to a particular comment, not the situation in general. I will always fall back to my response on the first page, just after the opening post.

I have known couples in your type of circumstance. I agree with the need to fully investigate. I must say that no matter the cause, cowardice or otherwise, no one should stay in a the same house with an abusive person (no matter who is being abusive, or abused) spouse, parent, child, sibling, anyone! During the investigation and the remedy-healing process the victims must be protected.

 

[fortytworc]

I also did not view the pictures and will say that any man who beats his wife is not a real man and deserves to be dealt with by his wife's father and brothers.

I worked in a state prison for 16 1/2 years. I saw many who took the law into their own hands. They accomplished what they wanted to on the street, then they were spending many years separated from those they sought to protect. The legal way is the way to go. Exacting your own justice only makes you helpless for many years to come to guide and protect them through many other dangers.

 

[Arbo]

I worked in a state prison for 16 1/2 years. I saw many who took the law into their own hands. They accomplished what they wanted to on the street, then they were spending many years separated from those they sought to protect. The legal way is the way to go. Exacting your own justice only makes you helpless for many years to come to guide and protect them through many other dangers.

You and others are right. My blood was up when I made that post. It's a subject that's a little too close.

Though my gut reaction is the same, I do know that the best way is to go the legal route, as impotent as it may be at times.

Admonishment graciously accepted.

 

[thegospelgeek]

John Piper on domestic abuse:

"If, if it's not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures, verbal abuse for a season—she endures, perhaps, being smacked one night—and then, she seeks help from the church."

at 2:30 here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OkUPc2NLrM

Unless I am taking this out of context, Mr Piper is absolutely wrong in telling her to endure. Advise her to protect herself and her children and then work towards reconsiliation(sp).