Opinions Please

TexasSky

Since you are obviously blind to this particular sin in your life, let me respond to what you have said. Let me assure you, I read what you posted. By the way, you have misquoted me. I never said you were trying to destroy anyone.

You said:

"For it to be gossip, it would have had to have met certain requirements that I was very careful for it NOT to include."

Please show me a scripture reference for your defintion of gossip.

You said:

"I went to great lengths NOT to identify the person in any way."

From what you have said, I know this man is a pastor currently being considered for a pastorate. He has 4 grown children who were drunks (according to you) while they lived in his house, but all have moved out. According to you, He has both a daughter and a son with illegitimate children (unless they got abortions). He has at least one son who has been divorced. His wife and his children fear him, and his children's spouses fear him (according to you).

For someone who went out of her way not to give any information about the family, or to go into depth about his life, or indulge in sensationalism, you, frankly, did a lousy job.

You said:

"Are you suggesting that I get on a plane, fly to where he currently lives and say, "Hey, look, people want me to give you a letter of recommendation, but I can't because I think you suck as a husband and a father?"

It seems your story is changing. I thought you said "people" from the church he used to pastor had been asked to give a reference, and they asked you what they should do, given you had so much knowledge of his problems. Maybe I misunderstood.

I am suggesting you should recognize you are gossipping about a man and his family. If you have something against someone, go to him in person and address it. If you had that opportunity at some time in the past, and didn't do it, then you have not followed scripture. If someone comes to you and says "I know that you know what I know" then you should repent because gossipping has been going on.

Public sin, at times, requires a public rebuke. You deserve to be publicly called to account for the public gossipping you have done concerning this man and his family. It is unseemly, and no amount of rationalizing is going to change the truth here.

In Christian love, I implore you, Repent and quit gossipping!

 

Personally, if I were that pastor, I would prefer that you actually come to me and talk about it, or maybe send me an e-mail instead of bad mouthing me behind my back. At least, that way, I might even have a chance to give you my side of the story or defend myself against the charges. Tell me this: Have you ever confronted the pastor one on one in Christian love and discussed these things with him? Personally, if you have not, I don't think you should be talking about it to complete strangers (over 11,000 of them worldwide). If you are not at least willing to hear both sides of the story, then I think you should probably just stay out of it.

Just my opinion,

Joseph Botwinick

 

Is this a place to throw stones? I have none because as I understand it, I am not allowed to cast any because I am not without sins myself.

Yes I am new here, but not to message boards that ask expressly for "OPINIONS PLEASE". Typically these type of boards are used for getting a temperature reading on something, not for spreading gossip. God gave us all free will and some people choose to use it to point out faults instead of helping another understand something. Waste of God given talents.

My opinion on this matter is that if the family members are skeptical, then as a moral leader, there is reason to question. If you are making your family fearful and run your home with an iron fist, isnt it possible that you are misinterpreting God's word?

 

Angel,

1. Have you at any point in this thread heard the pastor's side of the story?

2. Do you know anything more about this family other than what you have been told by a second hand source?

3. I am thinking you just threw a few stones at the pastor without even hearing both sides of the story.

Joseph Botwinick

 

TexasSky,

Try not to let the Pharisees bother you. Ignore them if you can.

Matt. 22:15-22

God Bless,
Rachel

 

To Dianetavegia

I apologize to you. You weren't gossipping. I should have been clear that my response was directed to TexasSky and her "tell me more about Franklin Graham" comment.

 

Rachel

It is a good thing Peter didn't have you around when Paul confronted him about his sin. "Oh, don't let that pharisee bother you, Peter, he's just throwing stones and not showing brotherly love. Just ignore him."

If TexasSky cannot see this for what it is, gossip, then she will never repent and be forgiven.

The most loving thing you could do would be to urge her to repent and quit gossipping about this man.

 

TexasSky

I have never assumed that I know your motivations for posting all this gossip about this man and his family. I have not accused you of spreading evil rumors. I am stating clearly that what you have done is gossip. You could not resist giving the unseemly details.

You could have had a generic discussion about how a pastor's relationship with his family affects his qualifications for ministry and what is the responsibility of his former church in making negative information available to a prospective church.

If you cannot see the difference between this approach, and what you have done with this post, then I stand by my statement that you are blind to this particular sin in your life.

I have not attacked you verbally. I am not motivated by "trying to tear you down." I am motivated by Christian love which requires me to confront you with the truth of your sin and hope the Holy Spirit convicts you of your sin, so that you will repent of your sin and be forgiven.

If people are telling you that you haven't sinned by gossipping, then they are not doing you any favors.

I will say again, there are times when public sin needs to be rebuked in public so that the effects of that sin are lessoned for those envolved. Had Paul not confronted Peter publicly, many who were present might have retained a misunderstanding of what is appropriate. Unless you are rebuked in public, many people who have read this post could get the idea that your behavior is appropriate Christian conduct.

 

Referring to the OP, I would like to say that I think that you are being judgemental, or why would you post what you did?

If your OP is not gossip, then why post it at all?

Given the information divulged in your OP, please explain to me in what way God is glorified and people edified by it?

All your OP seems to have done is cause conflict and bring into question your own integrity.

Maybe some here would find this devotion from Word for Today for the 17th June helpful: It can be found at www.ucb.co.uk and click on word of today:

Can you keep a confidence? 17 Jun 2005
'...SOMEONE OF INTEGRITY WILL NOT VIOLATE A CONFIDENCE.' PROVERBS 11:13
It is no big surprise when people gossip at the hair dressers, the pub or the workplace. But how about the church? Do you think it does not happen? Think again! The reason it is not so obvious there is because we are experts at disguising it. For example, a friend confides in you about a marital problem or their child's drug addiction, and what do you do? Immediately you get on the phone and notify the prayer chain. You 'share it' under the guise of asking for prayer.

God says, 'Someone of integrity will not violate a confidence.' They simply will not! Gossip destroys reputations and severs friendships. Worst of all, it keeps people from opening up and getting the help they need. That is why God categorises it along with murder (Romans 1:29 KJV). If you think that sounds extreme read this: 'The words of a talebearer are as wounds...they go down into the innermost parts...' (Proverbs 18:8 KJV). Thoughtless words break hearts!

So why does God come down so hard on this? Because it says to the world His people cannot be trusted; that somebody with a problem is safer in a self help group than church. Sadly some of the worst offenders are Christian leaders with loose tongues who seek to impress their peers by divulging the details of somebody else's struggles. Shame on us! We need to pray, 'Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord...' (Psalm 19:14 KJV). So, can you keep a confidence? Prove it!

Followinghim

 

Very well said. Amen

 

King James

I don't understand why you think a person's name has to be given in order for it to be gossip. Please explain your reasoning.

And what ends up on the news is not the same as what ends up on a Christian debate board.

 

As I have pointed out before, you did not have to give personal, intimate, scandalous details about this man and his family. To do so is gossip.

I have repeated told you how you could have asked the questions, without giving the personal information. You could have asked how a pastor's relationship with his family affects his qualifications, and what is the responsibility (if any) of a church to pass on negative information.

Once again, I urge you in Christian love to see this gossip for what it is, repent and stop gossipping.

 

TS has repeatedly explained about this. This is so ridiculous. I'm glad I'm not the only one here that doesn't see what she said as gossip.

What's funny is people here can go around making all kinds of snide remarks about overweight people, naming names of people they deal with while saying something mean about them, making sly comments about someone they have personal info on, etc. etc. I look around and don't see anyone saying anything about those posts.

Mmmm Did I say that was funny? No it's pathetic and very sad!