Here it is in a nutshell:
In both Calvinism and Non-Calvinism, we affirm the need of the Holy Spirit to draw or enable man to come to Him in faith.
Calvinists believe that Holy Spirit's work of drawing is through a secret, inward irresistible working by which the heart is changed and thus the willed changed with it, so that when the elect are drawn they will certainly choose to willingly believe and follow. Thus, those who reject do so because they were born Totally Depraved, un-elected and thus not enabled to willingly believe.
Non-Calvinists, like me, believe that the Holy Spirit's work of drawing is through the Gospel, by which the man is given the appeal of God to be reconciled. So, that work of the Holy Spirit may be accepted or rejected and thus those who perish do so because they refused to accept the truth and so be saved.
Seeing as how you have now invoked the ordo salutas, perhaps we should discuss the logical order of salvation. You present one view, but not particularly the view that comprehensively defines traditional Calvinism.
Also, might we not recognize that the "secret, inward irresistible working by which the heart is changed" by its right name -- God's supernatural regeneration? That is, anyway, what Christ is trying to get through to Nicodemus when that subject came up in their encounter. Similar to the issue with the woman at the well in Samaria. God does a work that only He can do because only He is supernatural and can make one a new creation by the spiritual re-birth. No choice of man is involved in that work of God.
Our choice exists, no Calvinist denies that, but we do deny that choice is a matter of soteriology. Anthropology, yes, soteriology, no. God alone "saves." Man has all sorts of issues, moral, ethical, old/new nature, etc., and before regeneration, resistance certainly occurs.