Travelsong, I don't if it is advisable or not for me to respond on this thread, but my answer will be quite different from the others I read.
For several years I have thought myself to be near the line of becoming an agnostic. I don't really know your situation, of course, but I do know mine. I regard myself as a logical thinking person, with a degree in mathematics and some very strange approaches to activities and problems, at least in the minds of some people. I am a lonely person, never-married, middle-aged, and often sad that friend and family members are gone, and I go through long nights and uneventful holidays, and just that what made up some elements of 'happiness' are long gone and have not been replaced. I have long ceased to listen to what many Christians want to tell me, that God "has someone special for you," or has a "plan" about career, et al, while I work at a job with low pay and nothing at all to do with my degree or my interests. So it's easy to become skeptical and think people who are happy in their jobs or their families were nothing but fortunate. Burnout is about the closest thing to describe my approach many aspects of life. This has made it easy for me point out some errors in reasoning I see among so many fellow Christians, and to understand they believe in their Bible like others believe in fortune-telling; they perceive God to be "working" in their lives because they choose to see it, while I don't see it in my life because I choose to look at things from logical angles. One example is the story I have told more than once here about my 'tithing' test, in response to these "testimonies" that "giving God his tithe" keeps their own financcial situations profitable and in order; my statistical test showed tithing has nothing to do with finances other there is less money than if I don't do it.
But your resignation seems to be based more on the fairness issue of all people being sinners, yet some are saved from eternal perdition, while most, in spite of upbringing or essentially trying to do what they thing is right, will suffer infinite punishment for very finite 'crimes.' I know there is nothing that can be said to make you change the view that this is monstrous. But I think any Christian really thinks this. From the only perspectives we have, a Being which would do this is extremely, infinitely unjust. So to continue to believe in the God of the Bible is to continue to believe in this 'injustice.' So then you think that to participate in the gospel-- even if only by continuing to believe it-- is participation in this injustice. I have no answer for this, but I know you don't need cliches, such as you should focus on how loving and gracious he is to offer the means of escape, when it was his mode of creation that created what it is that he offers an an escape from.
There is no simple reply to the question implicit in your posting this info, "I am no longer certain of the existence of a god; is there any reason I have not thought of to believe again?" I'm sure you expected some of the responses you have gotten; esecially like you must have never believed, or what can be read between the lines that you cannot now be an unbeliever, even if you want to. All I can say is that I have pushed my own tendency to no longer believe to the limits a few times; and sometimes quickly, sometimes not so, I find I can't cross that line. Some person or some event finally gives me a fresh angle. And I know this fresh angle is 'there' because I wish and perceive it to be there, but why can God not appeal to one's logical thinking if that is how one chooses to seek such a new perspective? As to the injustice issue, I choose to leave it for others to argue about; my own approval or abhorance will not change anything about it. But it seems ironic that the more one disbelieves in it, the more one abhors it, so you think about how awful something is that doesn't exist. This rather compares to those posts condemning many aspects of Halloween. One may leave alone what one chooses to abhor; if it's not there, or we have misperceived it, it can't hurt you-- or anyone else.
It's bad enough that Johnv can participate.
