Your first question is answered in your second question. It wasn't that children were as guilty as the adults, though by their sin nature they certainly are imperfect. But as you said, it is more merciful to kill them before they become diabolically evil -- and in those days, as we can seem from the religious practices of the peoples surrounding Israel, diabolical evil was commonplace.
To me the concept of the guilt of children prior to a certain age doesn't wash, and if for no other reason than I see and understand the maturing process from a psychological perspective, and the fact that 2 Samuel 12:21-23, regarding the death of David's first child with Bathsheba, that they will "go to him," meaning the child, "but he will not return to me." David, in other words, will see his child in heaven.
When I apply the biblical evidence of the sin nature, I have to accept that, while these children technically capable of sin now, only the very rare child exhibits what could be described as "sin" prior to maturing to a certain age. The vast majority simply do not understand the concept of "right" and "wrong" until it is taught to them by their parents. And that, obviously, makes for a wide range of understanding among children, even on the same block of the same neighborhood, as to what "right" and "wrong" really is.
I believe in the sin nature, but I also believe God renders justice according to personal accountability. The sin nature makes us incapable of perfection, which is what would be required for us not to sin. Adam and Eve rendered themselves imperfect by their sin, and two imperfect people were not going to produce perfect offspring. Thus we have an imperfect human race. The result is the wide range of beliefs held by adults, from total rejection not just of anything biblical, but anything even remotely described as "moral," to the extremely kind, pious, humble individuals who fear God and obey His commands. Yet even they are imperfect and sinful -- which is a surprise to some of them.
When we read the book of Hebrews, we see it explained that Jacob's son Levi -- and by implication, his entire clan -- was "still in the loins of his father" Abraham when Abraham paid tithes to Melchizedek.
We can relate this statement to Abraham's state, being "in the loins" of Noah before The Flood, and Noah was "in the loins" of Adam when he sinned. that being the case, certainly it has to be accepted that we were all in Adam when he sinned, and by that fact inherit the sin nature. When Adam and Eve sinned, a sin nature rendering them imperfect came over them. Since we were in them and our life came from them, we inherit this nature as well.
But as Paul wrote, that's just the bad half of the news. Here's the good half.
1 Corinthians 15, NASBDeath came through Adam. Jesus death, burial and resurrection proves He has power over death. So those who are in Christ, trusting in His shed blood for the forgiveness of our sins, are saved and death has no sting.
21 For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead.
22 For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive
I really like this post, it is very thoughtful, and tend to agree with it except for one point. And that is that you believe a sin nature is necessary to sin. The scriptures themselves refute this idea, Satan was created "perfect", yet he was able to sin, the fallen angels and Adam and Eve were "very good" and yet they were able to sin.
This is why I also argued in another thread that Jesus as a man had the ability to sin, but chose not to. Having a "perfect" nature does not prevent someone from sinning, Satan himself proves that.
Eze 28:15 Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee.
Calvinists especially believe a person is enslaved by their nature, and so man as a "corrupt tree" can only bear corrupt fruit, but Jesus showed we can determine what kind of tree we are, and what kind of fruit we bear.
Mat 12:33 Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit.
Here Jesus shows we have both the option and ability to "either make" ourselves good and our fruit good, "or else make" ourselves corrupt and our fruit corrupt.
Our choices determine our nature, our nature does not determine our choices.
If a person is enslaved by their nature, then it would have been IMPOSSIBLE for Satan, the fallen angels, and Adam and Eve to sin. IMPOSSIBLE.
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