Widows

[MennoSota]

I ask because I was 12 YO when my father died, leaving my mom a widow with a Cerebral Palsy older sister & a 8 YO younger brother.....there was no visible means of support. Yes we had some family support & yes we had Christmas food baskets occasionally from the church, but no real outpouring from the community (we live in NJ...the ground zero of snooty self absorbed neighbors. We survived mostly by ourselves. I am just curious what other parts of the country think & if they are charitable.

EWF, it is families like yours that I think many churches fail to support. That is why I asked earlier about the plans churches have to help.
My nephews are orphans, but they are now in their 20s and can care for themselves. The youngest lost his dad, my brother when he was 12. His mom died in his senior year of high school, when he was 18. The local church failed in supporting them. Although, to be fair, part of the grieving led to them pushing people away as well.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

EWF, it is families like yours that I think many churches fail to support. That is why I asked earlier about the plans churches have to help.
My nephews are orphans, but they are now in their 20s and can care for themselves. The youngest lost his dad, my brother when he was 12. His mom died in his senior year of high school, when he was 18. The local church failed in supporting them. Although, to be fair, part of the grieving led to them pushing people away as well.

If you have never experienced being a parent less child or a mother desperately struggling to raise a child (who has issues over having lost a parent) you can never completely know or hope to understand. Empathy for the grieving is best expressed in displays of kindness (Pastor Durant understands well--maybe because he has gone through his own heartaches & well understands the blessings of compassion, care & concern) ..... so in the end , its who you are in Christ that matters.....and that will carry on into eternity.

 

[MennoSota]

If you have never experienced being a parent less child or a mother desperately struggling to raise a child (who has issues over having lost a parent) you can never completely know or hope to understand. Empathy for the grieving is best expressed in displays of kindness (Pastor Durant understands well--maybe because he has gone through his own heartaches & well understands the blessings of compassion, care & concern) ..... so in the end , its who you are in Christ that matters.....and that will carry on into eternity.

When the church lets you down, and it will let you down, then you are faced with the choice Job encountered. Are you going to trust God when He brings bad into your life or are you going to curse God?
This was a very real question for my entire family as waves of grief kept flooding in due to the deaths of fathers, mothers, and children in a span of only a few years. As we grieved one loss, another would come rushing in.
Many in the church, including pastors, had nothing to offer. You could see them avoiding the conversation.
What has that done for me? It has allowed me to comfort others by which God has comforted me. I chose to trust God as the storm raged. I did what Spurgeon urged...I learned to kiss the wave that tossed me onto the Rock of Ages. It was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I don't wish it on my enemies, let alone my friends. And yet, God has used these trials to share with many that God is faithful. God never leaves you, nor does He forsake you.
EWF, I am very sorry that your dad died when you were 12. I can see how much it hurt. I wish we, the church, had fulfilled our task to serve you and your family. I am sorry.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

When the church lets you down, and it will let you down, then you are faced with the choice Job encountered. Are you going to trust God when He brings bad into your life or are you going to curse God?
This was a very real question for my entire family as waves of grief kept flooding in due to the deaths of fathers, mothers, and children in a span of only a few years. As we grieved one loss, another would come rushing in.
Many in the church, including pastors, had nothing to offer. You could see them avoiding the conversation.
What has that done for me? It has allowed me to comfort others by which God has comforted me. I chose to trust God as the storm raged. I did what Spurgeon urged...I learned to kiss the wave that tossed me onto the Rock of Ages. It was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I don't wish it on my enemies, let alone my friends. And yet, God has used these trials to share with many that God is faithful. God never leaves you, nor does He forsake you.
EWF, I am very sorry that your dad died when you were 12. I can see how much it hurt. I wish we, the church, had fulfilled our task to serve you and your family. I am sorry.

Brother.......Yes I was bitter, and I was very rebellious, because I didn't know God, not in all His forms. I also don't put my faith in church, I put my faith & trust in God the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit. You see, They save....not churches.

 

[MennoSota]

Brother.......Yes I was bitter, and I was very rebellious, because I didn't know God, not in all His forms. I also don't put my faith in church, I put my faith & trust in God the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit. You see, They save....not churches.

Indeed, God saves. But, God has commissioned the church to be an expression of His compassion. We are the body of Christ. We are to do what the Head tells us to do.
I say this, knowing all too well how far short I fall.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Indeed, God saves. But, God has commissioned the church to be an expression of His compassion. We are the body of Christ. We are to do what the Head tells us to do.
I say this, knowing all too well how far short I fall.

Some churches are better than others.....however I have learned not to depend on anyone and that includes churches.

 

[MennoSota]

Some churches are better than others.....however I have learned not to depend on anyone and that includes churches.

Agreed, in regard to dependance. We should not depend on a church or a government agency. However, God has ordained both to be of service, especially the church. When the church is failing at its charge, it should consider what needs to change so that it is doing what God calls the church to be doing.

 

[saved41199]

When my mother was ill and dying...NOT A SINGLE person from the church she attended for over 30 years ever offered us ANY help at all. They would come visit and criticize me for "not doing enough"...yet did any of these ladies ever offer to come over and help? NOPE! They would heap condemnation on me for the house not being clean enough, for mother not being bathed often enough, etc. They could see that I was burning the candle at both ends, a full-time job, a husband who was ill, being foster parents to our granddaughters who were under the age of 5, a son in the Army, yet would do nothing more than gossip. I ended up telling them all off at her funeral.

Depending on the church for anything is ridiculous...it ain't gonna happen unless you've regularly written them fat checks.

 

[Reynolds]

When my mother was ill and dying...NOT A SINGLE person from the church she attended for over 30 years ever offered us ANY help at all. They would come visit and criticize me for "not doing enough"...yet did any of these ladies ever offer to come over and help? NOPE! They would heap condemnation on me for the house not being clean enough, for mother not being bathed often enough, etc. They could see that I was burning the candle at both ends, a full-time job, a husband who was ill, being foster parents to our granddaughters who were under the age of 5, a son in the Army, yet would do nothing more than gossip. I ended up telling them all off at her funeral.

Depending on the church for anything is ridiculous...it ain't gonna happen unless you've regularly written them fat checks.

I am not sure the fat checks will help when you are no longer in a position to write tem. (Assuming you are in that type church)

 

[saved41199]

I am not sure the fat checks will help when you are no longer in a position to write tem. (Assuming you are in that type church)

We are not in that sort of church. Yes, giving is necessary for things like keeping the lights on...but our church is more concerned with the people around us, both saved and unsaved. Our congregation has pledged about 450K for missions worldwide this year. We also have a ministry called "second mile"...there's a story in the bible where Jesus says something about not just going one mile but go two. That ministry goes into some of the poorer apartment complexes in our town and actively evangelizes along with trying to help supply needs...food. clothing, medical care (we partner with a clinic here in town). 2 of our pastors are also chaplains for both the police and fire departments (county and city). There was a fire at one of those apartment complexes and within 48 hours, our church members had donated everything from clothes to toys to furniture for the displaced families. We're not the biggest church in town (we have 3 "megachurches" here), we're definitely not the wealthiest, but we give everything we can to cover people's needs.