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Would you as a parent....
- Thread starter menageriekeeper
- Start date
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dianetavegia
Guest
Is it JUST the preacher that makes the ceremony 'religious'? When Donna asked about 2 people being married at the courthouse, the condition of their hearts was as important as the person saying the 'I now pronounce you words'. If the Mr. and Mrs. came with their hearts before God, then to me that was a religious ceremony. Their intent to follow God's will in their lives and become one before God was surely honored by our Father.
What if the Justice of the Peace or Clerk Court was a Christian? It is GOD who joins a man and woman and not a mere man.
What if the Justice of the Peace or Clerk Court was a Christian? It is GOD who joins a man and woman and not a mere man.
Plain ol' Ralph
New Member
My hope is that you have apologized to her for not so doing, it just might be the stepping stone to gaining your daughter's salvation. Most parents never realize the hurt their "dogmatic" actions cause in their children's lives.
Our "religion" too often over-rides sound judgement; though not to be unequally yoked is a good admonition, Paul spoke as "not by commandment".
I am not attacking you, sister, just making a suggestion, however hard that might be for some to believe.
I speak from the observing stance. I have seen families really dogmatic over these things only to the harm of the family. Children excommunicated, parents never spoken to again. Do any of you rerally want to risk that from your children? I SHOULD HOPE NOT!!
We need to remember their adolescence, they are immature and need guidance, not condemnation. Jesus came not to condemn the world, He came to save. We had best be about His Father's business and salvage some family members in relationship too!
So yall go ahead and hate me for speaking the Truth.
Plain ol' Ralph
New Member
Right, and my brother-in-law was a "preacher" , but had not yet been called, but then you have introduced Truth, "let no man put asunder what God hath joined together"
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dianetavegia
Guest
Absolutely NOT! It was a full mass Catholic wedding and she was 5 months pregnant at the time. (25 years old) The reception included open bar and 3 bands. The inlaws would not hear of a small church wedding with cake and punch, let alone a small BAPTIST church wedding. They paid.
Exactly my point.
If a man and a woman have the marriage license and have been joined in marriage, they are married.
Otherwise we can't complain about divorce rates, becasue after all they didn't meet our own criteria of really being married anyway, so it isn't even a real divorce since it wasn't a real mariage.
What if non christians are married by a justice fo the peace, who is not christian, and then years later become christians? Are they married?
Of course. Does God consider them married? Of course.
I would not alienate my child because they did not live up to my persoanl standards. They like the rest of us are answerable only to God.(adult children that is, simply becasue they are the ones getting married here on this thread). That is not maintaining a parent child relationship, and those relationships are important, and I think scripture calls for us to maintain those relationships. Is the child a christian? Then are we loving the brethen if we alienate them becasue we do not like what they do? Jesus said we would be known becasue of our love for the brethen. If we allow a barrier of anykind between us and our childre, or other christian family, then we are not loving the brethern,and according to jesus it's going to be hard to recognize us as christians, no matter hwat else we do that looks christian.
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dianetavegia
Guest
Exactly Donna. I would not have chosen the mates either of our married children chose but I'm not the one married to them so.... But we DID attend their weddings and treat their spouses as our own children.
Craigbythesea
Well-Known Member
No, I would not go to the wedding.
No, a non-Christian is a non-Christian.
No, a non-Christian is a non-Christian.
I see no reason Diane should apologize for not paying for her daughter's wedding. Some people can't afford thousands of dollars for such elaborate trappings. If I understand Diane's financial situation right, I can see why it would put a hardship on her and her husband, who, I understand, is ill.
Besides, a 25 year old who is several months pregnant is not an adolescent. She is quite old enough to take responsibility for her choices.
Too many young women think their parents must finance their "special" day even if it bankrupts the parents. This is childish and selfish especially when she knew her lifestyle went against every thing her parents believe.
I think the daughter should be apologizing to her parents.
Besides, a 25 year old who is several months pregnant is not an adolescent. She is quite old enough to take responsibility for her choices.
Too many young women think their parents must finance their "special" day even if it bankrupts the parents. This is childish and selfish especially when she knew her lifestyle went against every thing her parents believe.
I think the daughter should be apologizing to her parents.
Craigbythesea
Well-Known Member
An apology to God would also be in order.
Thankfully my son married a really nice girl,and we just love her. She's been very good for him. And as you have done, I would support them even if I didn't like her, I want no trouble in thier marriage becasue of us or anything we could say or do. Neither do I want to hurt my son.
menageriekeeper
Active Member
All right Craig, yours is the answer I've been waiting on.
How then would you explain things to your son or daughter so as not to alienate them and any resulting grandchildren? Would you even care that you had caused a rift.
Or do you see it from the other direction, that your child knew your viewpoint and therefore is the one with the problem? Do you risk losing your witness with the non-Christian SIL/DIL by standing against them?
How then would you explain things to your son or daughter so as not to alienate them and any resulting grandchildren? Would you even care that you had caused a rift.
Or do you see it from the other direction, that your child knew your viewpoint and therefore is the one with the problem? Do you risk losing your witness with the non-Christian SIL/DIL by standing against them?
menageriekeeper
Active Member
Oh, and one more question: Where/how do you draw the line between unsaved and disobedient?
Please don't see this as an attack, I truely wish for serious answers to my questions.
Mods, sorry for the double post.
Please don't see this as an attack, I truely wish for serious answers to my questions.
Mods, sorry for the double post.
Craigbythesea
Well-Known Member
My son knows the Bible and, had he committed such an abominable sin, no explanation on my part would have been needed.
I would not have been the causes of the rift.
My son would not expect me to participate in his sin.
If my son had married a non-Christian, I would know that my witness was a very poor one, and I certainly would NOT share it with his wife.
Respect is not something that should be given away—it needs to be earned. Those who give it away not only cheapen the respect—they cheapen themselves.
Great points, Craig. Why is it the one who lovingly stands where he has always stood who is accused of causing the rift? If the child goes against the teachings of a lifetime, it is he who has caused the rift.
My question would be where is the church in all of this? If these young people who are marrying unbelievers are church members, they should be being confronted about their sin long before it comes to marriage.
If any of my children were to marry an unbeliever, they would do it without my blessing and without my presence. Of course, I would love them, but in no way would I condone or support their sinful choice. Yes, there would be some sort of "rift" in our relationship which could only be completely healed by their repentance.
My question would be where is the church in all of this? If these young people who are marrying unbelievers are church members, they should be being confronted about their sin long before it comes to marriage.
If any of my children were to marry an unbeliever, they would do it without my blessing and without my presence. Of course, I would love them, but in no way would I condone or support their sinful choice. Yes, there would be some sort of "rift" in our relationship which could only be completely healed by their repentance.
menageriekeeper
Active Member
How then can you show them love or be a witness when as a result of the hurt they feel, you no longer have any contact with them.
I'm explaining this badly, I'm afraid.
Let me use a couple of hypotheticals.
Our first couple are Bob and Barb. Bob grew up Baptist, Barb grew up without a religious background of any kind. After drifting away from the church in college Bob is now preparing to marry Barb. There is no sugesstion of any sinful actions on either of their parts, Barb is simply not saved.
Our second couple is in a little deeper. Jim is a non practicing Jew, raised by parents who wanted him to have a choice in what religion he chose. Samantha, was raised by parents who took her to church and taught her the rules, but the reason for the rules never sunk in and she was never saved. The two of them have lived together for a significant period of time. There may even be a child on the way.
Both couples say come to the wedding or stay completely out of our lives.
Now, is your answer still the same? Do you risk losing your opportunity to witness to them in the future?
I'm explaining this badly, I'm afraid.
Let me use a couple of hypotheticals.
Our first couple are Bob and Barb. Bob grew up Baptist, Barb grew up without a religious background of any kind. After drifting away from the church in college Bob is now preparing to marry Barb. There is no sugesstion of any sinful actions on either of their parts, Barb is simply not saved.
Our second couple is in a little deeper. Jim is a non practicing Jew, raised by parents who wanted him to have a choice in what religion he chose. Samantha, was raised by parents who took her to church and taught her the rules, but the reason for the rules never sunk in and she was never saved. The two of them have lived together for a significant period of time. There may even be a child on the way.
Both couples say come to the wedding or stay completely out of our lives.
Now, is your answer still the same? Do you risk losing your opportunity to witness to them in the future?