Bad Advice Only

[padredurand]

One of my co workers really annoys me. How can I make them stop annoying me?

Get them fired. That way they will no longer be co-workers.

My wife got her hair colored the other day. The color lies somewhere between dried straw and a school bus. I'm running out of ways to avoid the "How do you like my new hair color?" question.

 

[Palatka51]

Get them fired. That way they will no longer be co-workers.

My wife got her hair colored the other day. The color lies somewhere between dried straw and a school bus. I'm running out of ways to avoid the "How do you like my new hair color?" question.

In response say, Why honey, if you were to hide a needle in your hair I would like it a whole bunch because I like hunting needles in hay stacks. Our if that did not work (just before she shows you the dog house) you could say, Well if you would take those little pocket sized school pictures of the kids and pin them to each side of your head I could reminisce those years of sending the kids away to school on the bus.

Yikes, now that's advice to live by.

padredurand is knocking on my front door telling me that his wife booted him out and gave him airfare to Florida. How do I tell him that we southerners don't take in Yankees that call their wife a hay stack. :wavey:

 

[Salty]

...padredurand is knocking on my front door telling me that his wife booted him out and gave him airfare to Florida. How do I tell him that we southerners don't take in Yankees that call their wife a hay stack. :wavey:

Take him to the local train station and give him a ticket to WY and tell him Dr. Bob will be waiting for him!


I am out of gas, you have to pay in advance, but I refuse to do so, until I have filled up the tank

 

[SaggyWoman]

I guess you can walk to the next gas station. Or when someone next to you isn't looking, fill up the tank from their hose.


Someone stole my water hose. What should I do?

 

[Palatka51]

Someone stole my water hose. What should I do?

Go to the Police station and fill out a report on the theft and then offer free donuts.

My neighbor's cat climbs the tree at my bedroom window and then wails all night. Help me out, I need some sleep.

 

[Salty]

CALL A L F


My wife will not sew on the three buttons that fell off my shirt - and its been my favorite shirt for the past 20 years

 

[SaggyWoman]

Use staples or duct tape to keep your shirt shut.

My pants are too short and too tight. What should I do?

 

[Salty]

My pants are too short and too tight. What should I do?

Think sunshine


My TV does not pick up Fox news - how do I get the truth

 

[SaggyWoman]

Ask Obama for the truth.

My knee might need surgery. What should I do?

 

[webdog]

Ask Obama for the truth.

My knee might need surgery. What should I do?

Wait for congress to pass health care reform.

How do I reduce my carbon footprint?

 

[FlyForFun]

Wait for congress to pass health care reform.

How do I reduce my carbon footprint?

Wear shoes with granite soles.

How do I double my income while working form home part time?

 

[webdog]

Wear shoes with granite soles.

How do I double my income while working form home part time?

Buy another home...

When will it stop raining?

 

[Salty]

When will it stop raining?

When you fix the roof


How can I get a job working for President Obama?

 

[webdog]

When you fix the roof


How can I get a job working for President Obama?

Find and destroy his real birth certificate.

What's for dinner?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Bo Obama on a stick.


Where is the best place to look for crab meat?

 

[padredurand]

Bo Obama on a stick.


Where is the best place to look for crab meat?

In the parking lot after the church meeting for the after-meeting meeting where angry folk say things they didn't dare say in the meeting before the after-meeting meeting in the parking lot.

I was watching the exercise channel the other night and spilled hot fudge on my TV remote. Anyone know how to clean it?

 

[Salty]

I was watching the exercise channel the other night and spilled hot fudge on my TV remote. Anyone know how to clean it?

Put in the washer but be sure to use the gentle cycle (one teaspoon of bleach) and then dry in micro wave for 15 seconds on low power

HOW DO I ENTICE PADRE TO PREACH A REVIVAL AT MY CHURCH?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Pay him a million dollars a night, get him an Elvis suit to preach in (a different one each night), and let the Spice Girls sing before he preaches.


I forgot to take my medications today. What should I do?

 

[padredurand]

Pay him a million dollars a night, get him an Elvis suit to preach in (a different one each night), and let the Spice Girls sing before he preaches.


I forgot to take my medications today. What should I do?

I'll bring them to you if you don't mind getting your medications from a millionaire in an Elvis outfit.

madre asked about my sudden fascination with Spice Girls music. What should I tell her?

 

[Salty]

madre asked about my sudden fascination with Spice Girls music. What should I tell her?

Tell her that you thought that meant the spice containers were music boxes :laugh:


How do I decide what to watch on TV between Disney Chanel and COMBAT