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The role of the wife.
- Thread starter Cutter
- Start date
superwoman8977
New Member
gb93433 said:
Oh ok and so you have the stick that tells you that I did not submit to God. I did submit to God through all of this because I was being the dutiful wife I stood on the vows of my marriage for almost 7 years and did what I was told and prayed over my marriage etc. and now here I am struggling to make ends meet and 40,000.00 in debt. Which I am guessing you have no clue about bad things in your life because through reading your post you are one of those sunny attitude people. I used to be but when you pretty much have lost everything at dont see things looking up you just get fed up with life. If you want people to stay in church we shouldnt go around airing others dirty laundry I know if I was confronted about my husband I would not go back to that church. Yeah my soon to be ex husband sinned I know this and I did what I could do I prayed for him each night but apparently God didnt want to fix Him heck I dont know anymore, but to sit there and tell me I didnt submit to God you have no clue.
TLB said:
I find it hilarious that a 17 year-old kid (whom I assume is not married) is shooting off his mouth as though he knows it all. Actually, he reminds me a little of myself at his age. Now, I am forty years further along, and I have watched several marriages go belly up. Some you could see coming, but some were complete surprises. What I have learned (I think) is that it takes two people to make a marriage work. Each needs to be willing to cooperate with the other (I refuse to use the s-word). This includes love, respect, concern, and enjoyment of the other person. My wife and I recently celebrated our 35th anniversary. I would still rather spend time with her than anyone else I know. But I have never viewed her relationship with me as submissive, and I never will. We built our marriage and our life together as equal partners. So, I suggest that the kid hold his tongue until he has some experience to back up his empty, authoritarian claims.
Tim Reynolds
Magnetic Poles
New Member
Indeed. This isn't the first time his sage wisdom on marriage has provided a few chuckles here. Shane, you need a towel to dry behind those ears! Your arrogance in purporting to advise people on marriage is getting ridiculous. But I guess at 17, you know everything. :laugh:Timsings said:
menageriekeeper
Active Member
Superwoman, I can fully sympathize with you. I understand exactly where you are coming from. But, I think you may be getting the wrong idea of what GB is trying to say.
See, a lot of churches teach that if a woman will only.....whatever/submit/be obedient/follow the lead of her husband....that life will be just ducky. When it doesn't work out that way, those same people will turn around and say...you weren't really faithful to God/submissive/obedient/whatever. That is because their skewed viewpoint doesn't allow for another answer.
What GB and others here are trying to get across is that Biblical submission starts first with the husband loving the wife as the Christ loved the church. That is a sacrificial love. You understand that in your relationship to Christ, but seemingly haven't applied it to your relationship with your husband (this is not an accusation, just wait).
After the husband does his part (cause after all a sinner can't do his part if Christ hadn't already died and rose) the wife is to submit to him Biblically. Just as Christ wouldn't ask us to do something sinful, a husband has no right to ask a wife to sin. Getting into debt that you can't pay back is a sin. It's just another form of stealing. You would have been perfectly within your rights as a Christian wife to have refused your husband the use of your credit to continue his sin. Of course you didn't understand that at the time, so this is only going to help you in a future marriage.
I believe this is what GB was trying to tell you. Not an accusation, but an enlightenment.
See, a lot of churches teach that if a woman will only.....whatever/submit/be obedient/follow the lead of her husband....that life will be just ducky. When it doesn't work out that way, those same people will turn around and say...you weren't really faithful to God/submissive/obedient/whatever. That is because their skewed viewpoint doesn't allow for another answer.
What GB and others here are trying to get across is that Biblical submission starts first with the husband loving the wife as the Christ loved the church. That is a sacrificial love. You understand that in your relationship to Christ, but seemingly haven't applied it to your relationship with your husband (this is not an accusation, just wait).
After the husband does his part (cause after all a sinner can't do his part if Christ hadn't already died and rose) the wife is to submit to him Biblically. Just as Christ wouldn't ask us to do something sinful, a husband has no right to ask a wife to sin. Getting into debt that you can't pay back is a sin. It's just another form of stealing. You would have been perfectly within your rights as a Christian wife to have refused your husband the use of your credit to continue his sin. Of course you didn't understand that at the time, so this is only going to help you in a future marriage.
I believe this is what GB was trying to tell you. Not an accusation, but an enlightenment.
mparkerfd20
Member
superwoman8977 said:
superwoman8977 said:
I'm not judging you, but do you see that this isn't right either?
Brother Shane said:
You do lack "TACT" brother as someone else mentioned, but you also speak more biblical truth than many want to give you credit for.
superwoman8977
New Member
mparkerfd20 said:
mparkerfd20
Member
superwoman8977 said:
You were not submissive to God but rather a doormat to your husband and calling it submission to God. Submission is strength under control. Strength under control is not allowing yourself to be abused or being a doormat. I grew up in a home with a mother who had an attitude much like yours and my dad never got help.superwoman8977 said:
You do not have a clue where I have been.
My mother and the entire family was abused by my dad. My dad got quite an awakening when one time I had seen enough and let him know it by putting him on the ground. He walked away shaken and never touched any of us or our mom again. Later I told him that if ever did it again that we would have him put in jail. My mom was always a doormat and thought submission was being a doormat. She never had the guts to stand up to him. Even to this day she is very weak. He has remarried and his wife would never tolerate such a thing. His attitude is much different.
About 8 years ago my dad came to visit and he started gossiping about some family members. I told him that I did not want to hear such things and that gossip was not welcome. Finally I told him that if was going to continue to gossip then he would have to leave. He chose to leave. From that point on my family and relatives thanked me because he does not do that any more. It is actually quite different being around him now. I know that he has a lot of respect for me and trusts me a lot.
You were expecting your husband to treat you well and he did not. Nobody has respect for a doormat. Imagine if the police came to your door to arrest you and you knew they would be like a doormat. Would you have any respect for them?
That church you talked about is not a church but an excuse. Why was your husband never confronted about his behavior?
From what you have stated I do not see that you did everything you could have done. You should have gone to the leaders in your church and had him confronted. You did not expose his sin but rather became a doormat instead. You helped him hide his sin from those who could have helped him.
Your life is not over. The fact is that he violated your marriage and you need to press on to know God and not dwell in the past. You cannot do anything about the past. I know a lady whose dad I worked for many times who married a man who became just like your husband. He was confronted by the elders in the church and refused to anything about it. His wife was a great lady and had a great family. She had 7 children when he left her for another woman. The church helped her financially and in other ways it could. The women in the church helped her with her children. She raised her children well. They know the difference between her and her husband. She eventually married my next door neighbor who is just a great Christian man who loves those kids. All of the children are great kids living for Christ.
Sometimes life brings unexpected things that we must deal with. That does not mean we must let them rule our lives and we become a wilting flower. It is a time when we must stand up tall and strong and rely on God's strength and not our own. Proverbs declares, "The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are bold as a lion."
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Hey, gb, I'm glad your father turned his life around. But too many times abusers will go on to find a fresh victim unless they get help.
I'm posting a link to the Power and Control wheel (pdf file) because there may be some ladies in particular (maybe some men), who don't know about it and it may be helpful to someone reading this board....
http://www.duluth-model.org/documents/PhyVio.pdf
I'm posting a link to the Power and Control wheel (pdf file) because there may be some ladies in particular (maybe some men), who don't know about it and it may be helpful to someone reading this board....
http://www.duluth-model.org/documents/PhyVio.pdf
mparkerfd20
Member
annsni said:
You're right... I hastily typed that and the point I was trying to make was completely overshadowed by my mistyping.
Matthew 5:32 "But I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery. "
Put away here does mean divorce does it not? The verse is basically condemning the practice of divorcing for any other cause except adultery. The second half of this verse is where my question stemmed from... At what point, if ever, is the spouse of the person that was cheated on allowed to pursure another relationship without committing adultery or causing the person they are pursuing to commit adultery?
LadyEagle said:
With all due respect, Lady Eagle, you must be going to the wrong church or haven't been going to church that long. I have preached numerous times about the mutual love and respect between a husband and wife, (and the sins of mental, emotional, and physical abuse imposed one on another), as I'm sure many men of God on this forum have.
superwoman8977
New Member
mparkerfd20 said:
superwoman8977 said:
I understand what you're saying, and I feel for what you've been through but where does Scripture say you deserve to be married and happy? None of us deserve anything. God doesn't owe us a good marriage, a loving husband, a good job, happiness, health or anything. That is the kind of teaching that the prosperity teachers teach but it's not what God tells us in Scripture.
Our pastor has said something that I think is so important: we will never be happily married until we are happily single. In other words, we need to learn to be content in whatever God has brought our way. When we can be content to be single if that's where God has us, then we can be content if a husband comes along or not.
I'd say from your posts, that might be an area to pray about. Ask God if you are content in your circumstances or if you're fighting Him about it - because it sounds like that's what's happening.
((HUGS)) I hope this doesn't offend but take this as a sister in Christ.
Cutter said:
I have been a member of Baptist churches (SBC & IFB) for 50 some years and never heard physical abuse (wife battering) directly preached about. Inferred by generalities, but not outright. Same with emotional and mental abuse. So, maybe you are the exception. Or maybe things are changing....:applause:
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