And now I am going to tell you about the pain of being hated. I have carried this pain for over 50 years, and still I cannot forget.
It was third grade, 1963, President Kennedy was still alive. There was a new group called the Beatles, and they all needed haircuts. But most of all, there was Pam Haygood. She was beautiful, and she sat right in front of me. I could barely pay attention, all I could do was stare at the back of Pam Haygood's head. Even the back of her head was more beautiful than any woman I have known before or since. She had looooooong dark brown hair that was always braided into a perfect pig-tail. And her face... she had the face of an angel with dreamy brown eyes when I was privileged to see it. I spent the entire day, each day, plotting how to get her to look at me with that angelic face. I would whisper in her ear, she would tell me to leave her alone. I would pull on her long pig tail, she would turn briefly and slap me, but it was worth it, I got to look at that face. I was in deep.
One day our class was out on the playground and our teacher had us play a game. I can't remember the name, but the whole class formed a large circle holding hands. One person would walk around the outside of the circle with a rolled up newspaper in his/her hand. At any point this person chose, they could strike the hands of two fellow classmates. Those classmates had to race in opposite directions around the circle. Whoever got back first won the race and got the newspaper. The person who had hit the classmates with the newspaper had to get in the circle and hold hands with the loser.
I can't remember how it happened, but I won one of the races and had the newspaper. I walked around the circle looking to see who would be my victims, knowing I had to hold hands with the loser.
Well, lo and behold, the absolute impossible had happened. There was beautiful sweet Pam Haygood, the girl of my dreams holding hands with Jill, the biggest tom-boy in our school. This girl Jill could beat any boy in our school, including sixth grade at any physical feat, including arm wrestling, hitting a baseball, or RACING. It was perfect, it was a dream come true, I couldn't lose. All I had to do was hit Pam and Jill's hands, Jill would trounce Pam and get the newspaper, and Pam would be forced to hold hands with me, the boy who loved her with all his heart.
I still suspect that Pam knew what I was going to do, but I struck their hands. Pam surprised me, she jumped to a tremendous start, I couldn't believe how fast my little angel was. Of course, Jill undaunted took off in the opposite direction without a worry. But this looked serious, I might have to hold hands with Jill. She had calloused hands that felt like leather, yecchh!!
Then it happened, Pam hit a spot of gravel that I had never noticed before. She was running so hard and so fast that her feet completely went out from under her. This was 1963! Girls wore dresses back then! Pam crashed violently in the gravel and slid several feet on the side of one of her beautiful nine year old legs. She screamed in pain! Everything stopped, even Jill stopped running to see Pam writhing in pain. Our teacher immediately ran over to assist poor Pam. She was sobbing uncontrollably. I felt terrible, I had killed the girl I loved!
The teacher finally helped poor Pam to her feet and assisted her back toward the school. Pam was hobbling and winching in pain.
But then it happened, Pam looked up at me, her eyes full of tears and pain, and then she screamed at me...
I hate you!, I hate you!, I HATE YOU!!!
That was long ago and far away. We have all grown up and forgotten that sad day, that is, everyone but me. :tear: