Bad Advice Only

The chocolate covered strawberries might have really seemed to fulfill the comparison but they don’t have the same capabilities, so you have no worries… at least about being pregnant.

The single serving Keurig coffee maker I got for Christmas only fills my mug half full each time, should I break out my tools and make some adjustments?

 

Oh, that one's easy, Salty. You give her a blank stare and simply ask, "What cats?"

Every year my mother-in-law gets me towels for Christmas. I'm running out of uses for extra towels. How do I handle the surplus without hurting her feelings?

 

Sew them together and give your mother in law a towel quilt next year.

I have sticky between my fingers. How should I get rid of this?

 

A towel would work nicely. Maybe you know someone with an extra. :thumbsup:

Madre just bought a pair of boots that look like they were leftovers from an elf costume. How do I break it to her gently?

 

Try reverse psychology; Print this: http://www.spicylingerie.com/pls-frolic-125.html ...Tell madre you dig her new look and that papa padre’s got a brand new bag, then ask her if she’d wear those for you.

I’ve decided I want to be a famous R&B singer, where should I start?

 

Cut your head off. Sure, Padre could use a brain.

I need to vacuum but I don't feel like it.

 

Oh, sure, yuk it up at my expense. [anecdote alert] Fellers says to madre and padre, "Your daughter's pretty smart. Where'd she get her brains?" padre says, "Her mother. I am obviously still using mine." madre was not amused. [/anecdote]

Don't feel like vacuuming, Saggy? I can't understand why. It is, after all, women's work.


padre needs a place to hide from many irate women. Any ideas?

 

Have him preach.


I am thirsty.

 

Wait a week. Then you won't have a 10-week old kitten!

How do I get an ink stain off my shirt?

 

Say, Boss, I think I have the...." and then puke on his desk.

My buddy Salty is coveting again. What to do?

 

Cut his fingers off and pluck his eyes out.

My pants are wet. What should I do?

 

Place in seawater.....

I am so hot, what should I do?

 

Make a video!!

I am left home all by myself. What to do?

 

Call your neighbor over and tell him/her not to speak.

Can't stand anything on my feet. What do I do?

 

put your wellington boots on..........

I`m so cold what must I do ?