Should women work rather than stay home

[bapmom]

Lets think of something that can help both sides of this. I had hoped that this thread might be a means of letting both "sides" of the issue understand the other better....but Im not sure that has happened.

What can all of us ladies do in our own individual churches to help each other in these things?

Stay at home moms get worn out, too. Just the other day I asked my hubby for a day off! Didnt get it....but oh well.

For me most of my days right now are spent chasing the little ones around cleaning up their messes. I don't get many of my big projects done....especially when one is sick like now.

When my oldest was little, I used to work. I had a job at a Christian home daycare so I could take my child with me. It was during that time that much of my viewpoint on this was formed. I worked, but it wasn't a "relief time" for me. Probably because it was just like being at home with all the kids!

I wouldn't have a problem with what Helen described of trading off a morning of babysitting with a friend of hers. To me thats worlds apart from an anonymous daycare center where you really don't know the people, and they see the kids more than their parents do.

Maybe we should get ladies circles to do things like that more?

Stay at home moms help take care of the kids of the ladies who must work....perhaps for a fee, but a smaller one than a big daycare would charge?

Anybody else have more ideas?

 

[Thankful]

Well, I decided that this thread was getting no where but continuing to hurt the feelings of women who stay at home and those who work.

I actually bowed out of the discussion when one of the stay at home moms said that I was immature and did not know how to communicate. I guess a University educated 70 year old grandmother of 8 could be immature and ignorant.

What I see in this thread is a LOT of JUMPING to conclusions.

Do all mothers work to have lots of stuff?

Do all mothers work and leave their children in a terrible daycare?

Do all mothers work to get away from their children?

Of course there have been more of these extreme statements.

On the other side,

Do all stay at home moms have plenty of time to do whatever they want?

Are all stay at home moms lazy?

Are all stay at home moms doing with out financially?

I could continue with the extremes that have been listed.

I would venture to guess that most women who work would LOVE to stay at home.

And there are probably some stay at home women who would LOVE to work.

Neither one in itself is bad.

Now I have been a stay at home mom and I have been a working mom. Right now I am a stay at home wife and I love it and I am grateful for the additional income I have because I worked. But I didn't work for retirement. I worked to help put food on the table, a roof over our heads, etc. etc. etc.

So the bottom line is a mother must do whatever is best for her family with the consent of the father and her husband.

 

[bapmom]

Thank you Thankful

 

[Thankful]

You are welcome, Bapmom.

 

[Marco]

God's BEST is everyone one of us doing our Best. Whatever your family situation, if you love them and try, you are doing good in God's eyes.

Jesus himself was not a fan of those with hardness in their hearts . The law is good, but mercy and exceptions are vital in order to fulfill the Love Christ spoke about. In my opinion.

 

[TexasSky]

Salamander,

I've already answered this, so obviously you haven't read the whole thread.

Yes, my children are virgins. Both the son and the daughter. No, they never ever did drugs. No, neither of them drink.

The daughter is a college educated missionary.
The son is an honors student who won an award at school for being the child most likely to help someone in trouble.

They both love the Lord. They both get along well with their friends and their parents.

Yes, I get edgy with the implication, like yours, that because I work my daughter must be a slut.

 

[TexasSky]

Thankful,

Thank you for the words. Again, I don't think all stay at home Moms are lazy. I think most are truly wonderful. I just think that they are not any more perfect that those who work.

 

[Thankful]

Thank you, TexasSKy. I agree! Again I will agree with Marco and say each family has to decide what is best for their own family.

 

[Glory-to-God]

Texassky

Glory To God,

Aren't you the one in this thread who said we work for the wrong reasons?

Funny how you are taking everything I have written as absolutes....which is usually a stance taken by someone who is easliy offended or feels quilty about something.

When I have written anything on this subject I am talking about the NORM not the exception...and by all means not the absolute...you keep showing me I am right by your comments. Maybe you should reread your post before you post them.

 

[Bunyon]

"It would have been wonderful to me to stay home all day. I could take my time cleaning, I could do all the volunteer work I wanted, I could sleep when the kids slept or when they were in school"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See Texas, this is an example of how you see stay at home moms as having it easy. Do you realy think they have all the time to do all the volunteer work they want? I think you are dispalying just as much presumption about their situation as you think they have about yours.

Thankful, I appreciate your attempts at moderation, but no less than James Dobson has said the two career family is a detriment to families. It is a real issue and a real concern. Although, there are clearly hurt feelings on both sides and that seems to lead to some finger pointing, the issue is real and worthy of discussion.

Every one seems to agree that if it is workable, the mom staying home is the Ideal. That seems to be the take home message. So we can all acknowlege the Ideal and leave room for the honest and responsible dicisions to work. But that does not change the fact that many women who work have probably forsaken this Ideal. I have heard many say that they were not cut out to stay home and they get along better with their children as working moms. They say they would go crazy if they had to stay home. That is a major problems when moms no longer believe they have the ability or skill to stay home. Is that not a problem?

 

[Thankful]

When I have written anything on this subject I am talking about the NORM not the exception...

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with this statement. Most of what I have read is the extreme and because someone objects does not mean that they are offended or GUILTY of anything.

Perhaps it is time to just agree to disagree.

 

[Glory-to-God]

Helen the women I talked to who made comments about working so they wouldn't have to be around their kids so much Were not kidding and all I can do is speak for them.

I am sure you have heard it said that for every ONE OPINION there is a hundred more to match...so I would say there are at least 6 hundred that would agree they work to get away from their kids.
God gave parentsthe responsibilty to raise their kids...not relatives...or day care providers !

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by Glory-to-God:
God gave parentsthe responsibilty to raise their kids...not relatives...or day care providers !

I can't imagine anyone would disagree with that statement. I certainly do agree.

 

[Glory-to-God]

THANKFUL

Well, I decided that this thread was getting no where but continuing to hurt the feelings of women who stay at home and those who work.

I would have to disagree....below is a quote from someone who thinks this thread has been helpful...by the way a new believer. Just because everyone isn't agreeing with you doesn't mean anyone is angry ( I sure am not...not in the least ) or that people are not learning. More people are more teachable than you think. And you have those who are set in their ways. Personally it isn't what I think that matters as what Gods word say...and I already posted what his word says about this subject...that is what I go by not my " FEELINGS " !

Thanks for the great thread Glory-to-God. It was nice to talk about it. I'm going to think more about my life and pray over this issue. To be fair, I do think the BEST is a mommy staying home with kids. I do. I hope we can be friends and look forward to more posts from you. Whether or not we agree is another story, but we both agree Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Light.

~Marco

 

[baptistcross]

Ha Ha. Is anyone buying this Best stuff? I never had such a good laugh. Jesus hates self righteousness. You can't debate with a person who feels guilty for placing her child in bad care like Glory did once upon a time.

 

[Glory-to-God]

Thankful by cutting OFF some of my post you are redefining what I was saying....that is called cheating and putting words in my mouth just because you can't counter act what I said.

THIS IS WHAT I REALLY SAID

When I have written anything on this subject I am talking about the NORM not the exception...and by all means not the absolute...

Now it takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it ?

 

[Thankful]

I have heard many say that they were not cut out to stay home and they get along better with their children as working moms. They say they would go crazy if they had to stay home. That is a major problems when moms no longer believe they have the ability or skill to stay home. Is that not a problem?

Actually, I see it as realistic. The mother realizes what is best for her children. They don't want their children to have a "crazy" mother.

I also understand what you are saying that unsupervised children can get into all kinds of trouble, but just because a mother works does not mean that her children are unsupervised or out of control.

Sitting here in my computer room, I can see the bus drop off a little boy from public school. He is in kindergarten. His stay at home mom always meets his bus even though it is just across the street. I love the scene because the mom will sometimes have her other younger children with her. Mom and son are eager to see each other.

That scene really has nothing to do with the subject but I thought I would share.

 

[Glory-to-God]

Baptist Cross what an ignorant and mean post

I have never felt guity about any of my decissions. I didn't leave my kid there like many of the moms who put their " career " before their kids neglected day care. My child was treated by far better than any of those kids since I grew up with this lady and I use to help her with her day care when I was younger.( she was a much better day care provider then...that is why I used her...she must have gotten worse over the years ) It lasted what a couple of weeks at the most....unlike the moms who have put their kids there for years knowing they were being kept in cribs and high chairs....not being taught, held or played with. If I did that then I might feel quilty....but I was wise enough to put my child FIRST !

truth is most day cares are over crowded and do not treat your kids like you would. Nope your wrong and judgmental.

Nothing selfrightous about standing on Gods word and his principles.

[ November 14, 2005, 07:48 PM: Message edited by: Glory-to-God ]

 

[Glory-to-God]

Actually, I see it as realistic. The mother realizes what is best for her children. They don't want their children to have a "crazy" mother.

I honestly believe most parents are " crazy " because they lost sight of the fact of being in control and they allow their kids to be in control. Children are not being taught proper manners and self control and obedience.

So parents do NOT do their job....get fed up and hand them off to someone else...cause they can't handle it anymore. If they did the " JOB " God intended them to do right in the first place they just might ENJOY their kids more.

 

[Bunyon]

I had to rely on day care for one year. But it was my ideal to try and allow my wife to stay home with our infants and toddlers. We have lived up to the Ideal for the most part, and I am proud of that. I am well paid now, but that was not always the case. So I understand that we can not all achieve the ideal at all times. I think it is the best situration for families with small kids, but their are times when you just can't do it. I understand that too. I am not going to give anyone who works a hard time, but I do recommend moms staying at home with their infants and toddlers if they can.