Originally posted by Glory-to-God:
Texassky </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />My sister loves her children dearly, but she is not a "children" kind of person. She just has very unreal expectations and very low patience. She once told me that it was a good thing the Lord didn't make her stay home with her children because either she or the kids might not have made it. She was joking.
No she wasn't joking....comments are made like that because a person really believes them....then they cover it up by saying " Just Joking "
Reminds me of all those moms who said the main reason they worked is so they wouldn't have to be around their bratty kids.
SAD 
</font>[/QUOTE]Whoa!!!
That's going a bit too far. Who hasn't been driven crazy by a toddler or a teen? I know I have said a number of times that if anyone touched (meaning harmed) my kids, I would kill them (which I wouldn't do) -- because I wanted to be the one to strangle my own kids, thanks!
Of course I was kidding! But the point was that I was in charge of my kids and I would do the disciplining, thanks. I would also defend them like an angry bear if someone tried to hurt any of them.
Two days ago my profoundly retarded 21 year old son (he had encephalitis when he was 3) got bored. Daddy is in Australia right now with a very sick sister who is in an ICU. So I am home alone with Chris and must take care of the horses, dogs, house, etc. as well as him. We have a decorative iron scroll gate which we can close to keep him confined to his own area when we need to. He is terribly destructive, although he doesn't mean to be -- but magazines (think my husband's expensive science journals and research papers) can be shredded by him faster than you can believe. He can sit on a guest bed and his diapers can overflow...ych.
So the other day I closed the gate so I could get bills paid and this side of the house cleaned up and some stalls cleaned after the rains.
As I mentioned, Chris got bored.
So SIX TIMES that day he squeezed out a little bowel movement and then reached down with his hand and fiddled around with it.
Each time I found out what he had done I had to clean him thoroughly, change his bed from the mattress cover up, and scrub his hands with anti-bacterial soap and a nail brush.
By the sixth time I was in tears and screaming at him. He had no idea why I was so upset, but I just couldn't take it any more. Would I have rathered ANYONE take him at that point and leave me in peace? You bet your life!
So I changed him again. Cleaned up everything again. Then I tried to call Barry but he was out. So I called my son's cell phone (he's 32 and a computer engineer) and he was with some friends in San Francisco, but he answered and excused himself while he listened to his hysterical sobbing mom swear she was going to kill his brother! Gradually, I calmed down, as he knew I would, and then we hung up. I went back into Chris and put him to bed with hugs and some songs, as usual.
Then went to the internet and ordered five pairs of overalls! Hopefully they will not allow him to get his hand down there again! Right now I am belting him kind of tightly and I don't like doing that.
We do go nuts occasionally. I had six. The other five each were able to do it to me in their own turns as well. I sent one daughter to live with my brother and sister-in-law when she was fourteen because she was sneaking out at night, had tried alcohol, drugs, and smoking and then I intercepted a letter from a guy friend of hers talking about their planned first sex experience.
I didn't think so! I was a single mom at that point and I knew she was totally out of my control.
So to preserve the lives of both of us, I sent her to my brother and his wife. Bill is 6'5". My daughter is a little Mexican doll of maybe 5'1". Bill looked down at her and said "I hear you have been a problem." She stared up at this giant and squeaked "No..."
And, for them, she mostly wasn't. She is 21 now and in college.
Part of parenting is knowing where your limits are. The wise parent gets a back-up team in place and uses them when necessary. The wise parent learns to balance what is necessary and what is possible and what is desired.
Are all kids sometimes brats? Yup. Do all parents sometimes want to divorce/kill/gently strangle/ground them until they are 95? Yup.
It's what we do about it that counts. All my kids lived to grow up, despite my occasional threats!
Yes, we are joking when we talk that way. But it is one way to relieve the stress of the moment and then get over it and not let it build.
If a mother needs to send a toddler to daycare a couple of mornings a week for the sake of her own sanity, God bless her. I was trading a day with a girlfriend when my oldest was only two months old! I would give her Scott on Tuesdays and take her two on Wednesdays. Both of us were desperate for time to ourselves, or just to talk to other grown-ups, or get a project done...
Got to go give Chris some lunch. He's been behind the iron gate for about half an hour now...grin...of course the fact that he has his own playyard with a swing and music on the entire time and space of his own -- please don't think he is being abused. We are just being protected.
Please, please don't judge this or that parent until you have walked in their shoes.
Yes, the ideal is mom and dad and kids in the middle of an extended and loving family.
Pretty rare now, though. So we muddle through the best we can by God's grace and help wherever we can get it.
